Random Thoughts ...

I'm so glad to have this blog to write about what I feel. I wonder why I didn't start it sooner. I guess things happen cause when they are supposed to.

I sometimes wonder why is it so difficult to for gay people. Not that I have any idea except what I feel and what I've read on blogs. I don't know the first thing about being gay. All I know is that I am gay. I guess that is all I am supposed to know!!! And I can't bring myself to believe that the gay community is all Will & Grace !! In fact I haven't met anybody gay (not that I know off) in my life yet. My gaydar also sucks. It beeped for Ryan so I guess it sucks.

I can't share any of this with my friends. And anyways I don't get to see most of my friends anyway. I drifted apart from my school gang while at Uni and I seemed to have drifted apart from my Uni gang. I have a best friend each left from my school days and Uni days, with whom I have hung out most of the time over the past two years. They are supposed to be my best friends. Both alpha-male !!! . I've had other friend at the offices I have worked over the past few years but both of them have been my friends over thick and thin. With one I've done all the high school firsts (like first drink, first girlfriend, first fight etc.) and with the other I've done all the college firsts. So both have been important in different phases of my life and I don't want to lose either. I know what there is to know about each of them and they think they know all about me but I guess they don't know a lot.

And now I'm in the danger of drifting apart from both. One has gotten married and the other has a job which keeps him very busy and we now rarely speak with each other.

I never invested in other friends cause I used to be busy with work a lot and whatever time I had I usually spent with either of them.

We have so many memories with each other it'll be sad to lose them.

Ironically, I've helped both of them in their respective relationships. I've always dispensed (not to blow my own trumpet) pretty sane advise. They have always turned to me for advise on relationships, work, how to treat a particular chic, how to handle heartbreak etc etc.

I've also had a lot of female friends over the years. In fact I've had different ones for different phases of my life. I used to have a pretty good social life im college. I guess it all came apart after that. But right now what I really want are some gay friends. Someone who I can tell everything, put my head on their shoulder, someone who will hug me and assure me that it's going to be ok. I guess that's not happening soon.

Two years ago I tried to make some friends online but all I got was top/bottom questions(at that time I didn't even know what that meant and I actually googled it!!!!!!hehe) and people who wanted a fuck buddy. I just once had short chat session with two sweet gay guys responding to a post I had posted in a forum. So that is all the gay contact I seemed to have had.

Wow!! I'm so glad to have this blog to listen to me .....