Monday, January 21, 2008

First Coming Out !!!!

So this was another usual day, except that I came out to my mom today. I came OUT today. For the first time. I was myself in front of someone else, and that too my mom.

SO how did it come about? Well, it all started yesterday. We had a family blowout yesterday. My mom, my brother on one side and my dad on the other. I was just trying to pacify everyone and try to have everyone make up. Well cause I am supposed to be the calm one in the family (go figure!!) cause I am the psychoanalyzing, judging, controlling, advising, educating bitch of the family. So while trying to negotiate between the two warring parties (use the term loosely) I was about to say it and stopped myself.

I couldn't sleep the whole night thinking what would happen if I told everyone. I was up all night and slept at about 9.00 am. So, when I wake up it was almost time for lunch. So I got ready and went to sit in the garden with my mom , and I was talking to my Mom about what happened last night and then the conversation turned to letting people be and being true to who one is. After that we went to the dining room to have lunch. I didn't have much of an appetite although my last meal was more than 12 hours ago. I just had that gut feeling that I have to tell her today. I just knew that I had to tell her. Come what may, I had to tell her today. So once we finished lunch, I took her to my room, had her sit down, and told her that I have something to tell her and that if I didn't tell her today, I would go crazy. She asked me what it is. And then I just couldn't say anything. She kept asking for a couple of minutes but the words were just not coming out. And then I blurted "I don't like girls" ... She said "Okay" and then I told her "I'M GAY" !!!!!! And then I started to cry and kept mumbling "I'm sorry .. I'm sorry"!!! She asked me why I'm crying and that "You don't need to be sorry because this is who you are and the way you were born." She said that she was really happy for me and that the only way to live was to be truthful to oneself. She hugged me and said that how long have I known and I told her that since I was 13. She said that I should have told her earlier. I told her that I only made peace with it a month ago and was not ready. She said that it's fine and that she was really happy for me and that it's wonderful that I told her.

I asked her that if she was really fine with it and she said that if I need to really ask her that. She said that she has no problem with it whatsoever and that I should go out there and find someone!!!

To say that I was delighted and ecstatic with her reaction was an understatement. She told me that I should be comfortable with who I am and accept myself. We also discussed if I would tell the rest of the family and she said that to it's nobody's business and to tell everyone when I want to. I asked her not to tell anyone as I would be the one to do so. Then she also asked me if I like someone and I told her a bit about Ryan. She told me not to worry about it and that I would find someone.

So I've come out to the most important person in my life and she was happy for me.
At some level I always knew that she would love me no matter what but was scared unnecessarily.

So it's finally out. And I am really happy to get the burned of my back. I never planned it, it just happened. I just knew that I had to tell her.

So I've stopped living a lie.

The best part is that there is completely no awkwardness between us we were sorting out some of my old clothes and I said that this t-shirt is so gay and she started laughing.

Thanks, Mom. You're great. And thanks God for giving me the strength.

Also, I need to send a shout out to all the bloggers whose blogs I read because of which I was able to come to this decision.

1 down. 999,999,999 to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hish said...

Holy crappola, that's wonderful!

And family is the hardest to come out to (at least, usually...), so it's amazing that the first person you came out to was a family member.

Only my brother knows about me, but not my parents :P

So yea. If you can do it with your mom, doing it with your friends should be much easier...

W said...

That is fAbUlOuS!!!!

Your mom rocks major time.Impressive and heart-warming anecdote.

Btw, I am Erik from Whittle et al. Nice to meet you.

Orangeorka said...

That's just awesome!!! Wow! I'm really happy for you!

Family I guess is trickiest. Esp the person who loves you the most.


Queer Ranter said...

Bravo on your coming out. Wonderful. If only all coming outs are like this. :)

secret blogger said...

i love ur blog dude. and i am so glad that ur mom was so understanding and loving and its just great that she wants you to be yourself. Its really heart warming to know your mother loves you so much even after u told her you were gay. I love the story about you and ryan. visit my blog if you have the time.

unsungpsalm said...

Oh my god.

Your mom is so....

DewdropDream said...

Oh mannn... you had me tearing up there!!! You've written it out so simply, it's beautiful!! And I'm very very happy for you... I'm giving your mum a big hug for being such a wonderful supportive person, pass it on to her, will ya?

And I'm having this godawful urge to help you find a partner :D hehe... sorry, gotta restrain myself.