Saturday, September 27, 2008

The one in which we talk like a drunk activist

There is this huge discussion going on in our country about homosexuality.

And by huge discussion mean a 100 word article on page 26 of the newspaper expressing the views of three people.

One of the things that stem from the discussion proves is that homosexuality actually exists in the country. Wow. That's so hard for me to believe. You mean to say there are fagots running up and down giving each other blow jobs in the land of the mahatma?

Sex without trying to make male babies?

Sex for fun?

Really. I am shocked is what I am.

As buddha once said, "Holy Shit, Batman!!!"

But isn't homosexuality illegal in our country? As it is written in the Indian Penal Code? The one authored by the British who illegally occupied our country for a few centuries?

Wait Penal Code? The law banning anal sex is called the penal code? You got to appreciate British humor. After all, it's the land of the spotted dick.

What? That's a fucking food item.

But didn't we throw out the British some sixty one years ago and wrote a new constitution? We did that but we still retained the "penal" code as dictated by the British?

So let me get this straight. We can burn buses, destroy public property because of some stupid movie no one is gonna watch anyway, but because some dipshit in the 19th century was a motherfucking prude, we can't pound each other like the alpha dog pounds his little bitch?

You mean to tell me that The right to lube isn't one of them fundamental rights?

Wow. Gosh darnit. Ten thousand blistering barnacles.

So the Indian government feels that just because a few million people want something, it doesn't justify giving it to them.

Oh wait, where have I heard this before.

Oh yes, that was the same logic Winston Churchill gave to the house of commons when the British army in India violently crushed peaceful protests asking for independence.

You can't argue with such genius logic. You just need to grin and bear it.

(Note: I can sneak in innuendo into anything. I'm like Joey from Friends. Only uglier, fatter and gayer. Oh, and less Italian. In fact the only Italian connection I have is my love for Spagetti and meat-a-balls. Fuck you, that's a food item too you pervert. Yes, I'm talking to you unsung.)

You're right Scotty. We have come a long way. Just because things change, doesn't mean they cannot remain the same.

Oh yes. And we can all believe our government when they say homosexuality is against the order of nature. They promised to protect our cities from those evil doers and look at the wonderful job they have done. We're safe from terror as long as we don't step out from our home. Also, don't go to such dangerous places as shopping malls and movie theaters. In fact, our government is the recipient of the first annual George W Bush You're doing heckuva job award. Congratulations. There couldn't have been a clear winner.

My point is that if we expect things to change in the concentration camp we call a country, then we must ask ourselves What are we smoking? And even, somehow, due to some hand of God, even if the law is repealed, people's attitude are not going to change.
That is because in our country being open minded is defined by driving a car manufactured in Korea and eating a chicken steak. Most of the people in our country are living the same lives their ancestors lived 50 or 100 years ago. They just have better technology. And by better technology I mean they use a nokia phone.

Anyways the point is that you can never trust the majority to make the right decision. That is so because the majority of people are stupid. They believe anything their priest, politician and reality show contestant tells them. And most of them are born to be followers anyway.

I'm not saying we need to give up fighting for our rights. I'm saying is that we shouldn't expect things to change in a day. We still have a long way to go.

But what we should not forget is that just all of us have a right to be happy. Just because old people who fart in public tell us that something is perverse doesn't mean that it is. Just do whatever and whomever makes you happy. Even if you are into some weird S&M shit.

Which, by the way, if you are into, please call. Thanks.


Neha said...

Well said Rambo!
This idiotic Penal code is so hypocritical, it makes me want to puke!! Its the 21st century for heavens' sake..get over ur pretentious piousness and open ur eyes to the present!

Actually, I wasn't aware that homosexuality is illegal in India, till a gay friend in Italy pointed it out to me. And I swear, in that moment, I felt so ashamed of my country! Here was this amazing person in front of me, telling me that he can't possibly live in my country cuz the life he chooses to live makes him a criminal in India...that just made me REALLY angry!!

I'm hoping things will change, if not in a day, at least soon enough! At least then, there will be one less thing to be ashamed of!

Nicely written!
Keep Writing Rambo!

DewdropDream said...

I ask again, what of all those nawabs? They're excusable by dint of being royalty? Get yourself a nawab's title and start a revolution.

And brilliant piece here! You really ought to be on a public forum.

unsungpsalm said...

HeHe! Hoho! Haha!
Classic! The ending was the icing...

I wish this blog was titled "The Times of India Editorial Section" and had that kind of audience as well...

We still have a long way to go.
Did you mean several tens of thousands of kilometres West?

Just do whatever and whomever makes you happy.

Yes Yes, I'm familiar... I think. *Looks confused*

D said...

Smart observations. Ironical indeed that we follow archaic laws in our country because we're too scared to accept we've changed.

chandni said...

lovely lovely post!

even those who saddled us with this idiotic laws have moved ahead!

But then.... a 100 word discussion on the 26th page with 3 people is better than none at all!!

Things will change, when we do.

And aren't we ready!

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Brilliantly written and worded piece of rant.

And the end...ROFL!

You write really well...but then, I'm sure you know that!

The Line of Beauty said...

Penal code sucks...and there is no possibility it is gonna change till next millennium.
we can only hope!

Prash said...

Yes, the change cannot be done in One day...I think, even if the change of law happens, it will take decades (or maybe at least one generation) for the society to change.

Wait, you are like Joey of Friends...I just love him...and I love him more when he got more fat...LOL I think I will fall in love with you if I see you (PS: my bf is fat too LOL).

pepe M. said...

spagetti originated from china *i stand corrected*...wait...let me go back to the post...its kinda long and im loviiiiiiing it! miss you baby...:)

pepe M. said...

yes prash, i wanna meet whippy too...god, i cant believe im making love to a criminal in india...

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Hi there! You don't know me, and I don't know you that well either, but I've been following your posts for a while now.

I don't know if you believe in 'tags', but I've chosen you for one. Please drop by my blog and check it out! Thanks!

Firebolt said...

Go! Gayey Joey, go! ^_^

bloggingknight said...

Very well said Ramby,
Just because old people who fart in public tell us that something is perverse doesn't mean that it is. Just do whatever and whomever makes you happy.

I really hope pe-nal code will be repealed soon. This would be start. and we are ready, just some old men are not.

BTW what are you doing to be happy? Why don't u tell us :D

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

neha: Homosexuality per se is not illegal, it's not any type of sex which doesn't involve making babies. Kind of like Europe before the industrial revolution.

ddd: O, I already have a title .. "Mayor of WhipperSnapperville" .... I'm afraid the general public would wet their pants if they read what i'm writing :P ...

usp: tens of thousand of kilometers west of the nile river ... yeah .... oh no, if it was titled like you said, it would have to be about promoting some type of dairy product ... or Sonia Gandi :P ....

d: Change is what we need .. change we can believe in ... (Sorry, I've been watching too much election coverage) ...

chandni: ironically yes .. even South Africa recognizes same sex unions!! We are more backward than South Africa .... Oh, we are ready ... but the govt is not ...

mamma mia: thank you ... no i don't believe that but I love to hear it :P ...

lob: Yes, we can always hope ... :P ...

prash: .. Oh, I'm sure you'll change your opinion once you see me ... :P ... but thanks .. :P ...

pepe: oh .. i miss ya too babe .. long time, eh?? ... and you know, straight people who have oral sex are too criminals under the law ... but it's only used for gay people ...

mamma mia: Hi ... oh, on the blogosphere we all know each other .. :P ... it's like the netherworld, really .... .. oh, i'll do that tag soon .. :P ... thanks ..

firebolt: Can I adopt you? ... please? ... :D ....

dk: Well DK, my recipe for happiness includes, a drink with 99% alcohol and a DVD of Dante's Cove or Eating out 2 .. works almost everytime ... :P :P ...

closetalk said...

this post was F A B U L O U S !!!