I never thought this day would come so soon. I had promised myself not to end 2009 without telling my Dad, but I spent most of the year ignoring that.
However, for the past month, I've had this intense feeling in the pit of my stomach (that's where my brain is I think. What can I say? I'm a medical marvel!) that I need to come out to my Dad.
This past week, I had almost come out to him but I didn't because he had some stuff going on with his sister. I thought I would wait for the right time. But, then I figured that it would never be a right time and that I would just have to bite the bullet and tell him the truth.
So day before yesterday, I decided that it was D-day. I gave my Mom a heads up, and then waited for my Dad to come home from his office.
Me: Dad, I need to talk to you.
Dad: Okay.
We head to my room.
Me: Dad, there is something important I need to tell you.
Dad: Wait, let me guess, your girlfriend's pregnant.
Me: No, Dad. I don't have a girlfriend.
Dad: So your ex-girlfriend's pregnant?
Me: No, Dad, no one's pregnant.
Dad: So you've been offered a job.
Me: No, Dad. No one's that crazy. Or that desperate.
Dad: Don't say that. There are lots of people like that out there. At least I hope.
Me: Okay, Dad I can't keep having this conversation again and again.
Me: I'm not looking for a job.
Me: Now, can we move on?
Dad: Sigh. Yeah, sure.
Me: Dad, I need to tell you something which I have been keeping secret for a long time.
Dad: Is this about that time you and your friends were almost caught by the police for being underage and drinking in your car and you bribed your way out of it?
Me: You knew about that?
Dad: Pretty much.
Dad: Your friends Dad had called me and told me about it.
Me: Uh-ok.
Dad: What do you think the great lecture of '98 was all about?
Me: Okay, so that was what you were talking about when you said that I wouldn't be able to "bribe my way out of everything and that I need to stop fooling around like that".
Dad: Yeah, what did you think I was talking about?
Me: Oh, I thought you were talking about when I tried to smuggle my mathematics answer sheet out of the classroom because I didn't know the answer to any question.
Dad: You tried to do what?
Me: Ahem. Nothing. Can we move on now?
Me: And will you please stop guessing?
Dad: Okay, what is it you want to tell me?
Me: *Silence*
Dad: Yeah, go on . . .
Me: *Silence*
Dad: If you don't speak now I'll start guessing again . . .
Me: Okay, Dad, this is not easy for me to say what I was going to say.
Dad: Did you "forget" to pay your credit card bill again, for six months?
Me: No, Dad, there is something else.
Dad: Then, do me a favour and tell me what's on your mind.
Me: Okay . . . . Dad . . . . . . I, ummmmm, don't like, mmmmmmmmmmmm
Dad: You don't like what?
Me: Dad, I don't like girls.
Dad: What do you mean?
Dad: Do you like boys, then?
Me: Yeah, sort off.
Dad: That's sad.
Me: In what sense?
Dad: You do know this is a disease, right?
Me: What, being gay?
Dad: Yeah.
Me: What are you talking about, Dad?
Dad: Well, you should see a psychiatrist.
Me: Look, Dad, I'm not asking you for advice.
Me: It's how I was born.
Me: I could have gone my whole life without telling you and there was no way you could have found out.
Me: I'm not asking for your blessing or anything. I'm basically telling you that this is how it is.
Me: And I would expect someone as educated as you to keep an open mind.
Dad: See, I'm not forcing you to do anything. Just giving you my opinion.
Dad: It's your life, and your choice.
Me: Thanks.
Me: If you feel ashamed of me, I will move out in a few months or whenever I get a job.
Dad: You really don't need to do that.
Me: What, get a job?
Dad: No, move out.
Me: Oh, it's good that you said that. I wasn't gonna move out anyway and it would have been really awkward ...... for you.
Dad: *no reaction*
Me: So I guess we're not ready to joke about it yet.
Dad: *Gets up to leave*
Me: begin sarcastic tone\ Sorry for being such a disappointment. /end sarcastic tone
Dad: *Opens door to leave, looks back* No, there is nothing like that.
Me: *shrugs*
It wasn't as bad as I expected. He didn't shout or say anything really mean. And he was probably shocked, to say the least. But I am glad I told him. It was time. Even though I think he wishes that I rather had a pregnant girlfriend, I think it's going to be fine.
He's going to do what he usually does when I take decisions which he does not agree with (basically, ALL of them). a) Sulk b) Blame my Mom for "encouraging" me c) Fire someone in his office d) Begrudgingly get on board Team Ramby.
It took me such a long time. It's only fair I let him take his.
Anyways, the important thing is that now, there would be no more secrets. No more half-truths. No more use of ambiguous words like "partner", "fellow-human" and "casual friend".
I guess the truth does set you free!
Hallelujah!
Although, I still am never going to tell him what really happened to his car in January 1996. That secret is going with me to the grave. Or whatever weird vegan ceremony I'm going to have when I finally log out and pass on to the big blogosphere in the sky.
I just came out to my Dad.
It happened like 10 or 15 minutes ago.
He wasn't happy about it, but he still reacted much better than I expected.
I am still shaking.
Will be back when I can write more coherently.
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The other day, I was reading an article written by a famous right-wing journalist who is famous for being a right-wing journalist, in which he said that he is okay with "tolerating" gay people but he thinks that it was wrong of the high court to equate hetereosexual and homosexual relationships.
Now, at that point of time, I obviously disagreed with him.
However, yesterday after reading this post here and this article here, I sort of had an #epiphany. (Sorry about the "#", I've been really using twitter a little too much. I know, I'm addicted. #snapperfail. Sheesh.)
I seem to have changed my mind.
I think equating gay relationships and straight relationships is wrong. They are not the same.
Why do I say that?
Well, the answer dawned on me after huge amounts of generalising, stereotyping, pseudo-scientific analysing, hypotheticalising (I know that's not even a word. But let's just pretend that it is. There is a word for arbitrarily pretending something is true for the sake of argument. I just can't think of it right now.) and assuming my ass off.
Now, we know that most men in our country are bought up with a huge dose of entitlement. Since the day they are born, they are taught that they always get first dibs on everything because they can pee standing up. Now the mothers spend the rest of their lives blaming other people for her son's mistakes, while the fathers spend the rest of their life blaming the mother for the extreme love and affection that they showered their son with. Yes, if there was an Olympic competition for cognitive dissonance, then most Indian parents would qualify for the gold medal.
Alternatively, Indian girls are made to realize that everyone frowns around them because daddy wanted a little boy and mommy wanted a little boy and granny also wanted a little boy. And no one really cares what grandpa wants because grandpa is 80 and delusional and sharts all the time.
So after such a warm welcome, while the girls are growing up it is drilled into their heads that they really are second class citizens and were sent to this earth to cook, clean and put out whenever their husband wants to fall asleep on top of them.
And then when both of them grow up, then they are paired with each other and spend the rest of their lives resenting each other and each other's parents. And when things get really bad, they have kids. Because that's the solution to every problem in a marriage.
Now, this is where gay relationships are a little different.
Usually when gay people set out to find the person they want to have a relationship with, they aren't actually looking to fulfil the position of "house_maid" or "income_generator". They aren't looking for a "smart, fair, homely girl who can make three chappitis per minute" or a "thin, fair handsome man who makes income in excess of six figures and has been to different countries like New York and the USA".
Gay people usually seek out a relationship based on trust, love for each other, mutual respect and because both of them cry towards the end of When Harry met Sally.
So, yes, Mr Right-wing journalist, gay relationships are different from straight relationships.
Thank God for that.
Usually, I am a very tolerant person. I accept people for who they are.
However, since I am not one of those politically correct people the liberal media wants me to be, I am going to speak out against certain kinds of people without fear of any repercussions because if I don't the big homo in the sky would never forgive me. Or worse, he wouldn't let anyone of those hunky angels blow me!
The people I want to talk about are everywhere. They could be your friend. Or a co-worker. Or the guy you once worked with who refuses to stop sending you really bad forwarded emails.
These people are very smart. And shrewd. They pretend to be your friend, but in fact they have an agenda on their mind.
That's right.
They want to make the rest of the world believe that theirs is the righteous path. The ONLY path.
These people start when brainwashing you from the day you are born. They catch 'em young. And they don't leave you alone until you become one of them.
They never leave you alone.
You see them everywhere.
You read about them in books & magazines. Or see them in the movies and on television.
They even have their own genre of movies.
They shamefully continue to wave their decadent lifestyle in your face, without any care in the world.
You know who I am talking about.
Married people.
These people are just like the common vermin. They are present everywhere.
You just can't get away from them.
Yesterday, one of these people came to the dwelling I share with the rest of my blood relatives. This woman insisted on telling us about her recent "marriage" and her "husband" and the satanic rituals that were performed to give their relationship a little shred of legitimacy. She then tried to poison my mind by trying to convince me to be like her. To find a suitable fair maiden and perform such rituals with her. She tried to emotionally blackmail me by telling me that my parents want this to happen but are reluctant to discuss it with me, because they know of my beliefs. I said to her "O, Woman who sees my parents every six hundred days, you know not what you talk about. You and your ilk are nothing but glorified maidservants to the man you claim to share an eternal bond with. Now, begone, stupid woman. And don't show your face here again otherwise the wrath of homoerectous will be upon you". The woman looked at me with tears of thankfulness in her eyes and scurried out of our dwelling and out of our lives. At least for another couple of years.
Then, John, my friend from school, recently called me using those telephonic instruments to tell me that most of the people we went to school with are either married or engaged. While I started to make fun of all those crumbling to peer pressure and entering into such unholy unions, I heard a sigh on the other end of the phone.
What I was about to hear would shatter my belief in friendship forever.
My so called friend said that he agreed with the vermin. He said that he too would join their ranks in about an year or two. He also said that his bride would be chosen by his father and mother.
Oh, the horror!
Holy St. Adam Lambert, such cruel travesty!
I thought he was my friend. How could he betray me like that? All these years, I thought he would be strong enough and not be susceptible to the pleasures of the having a woman make him breakfast every morning while he leaves for the office. And have her make the food of his choice every evening while he returns from office after a hard day's work. And the ugliness of leaving your seed into another human being so that it turns into fungus which in nine months turns into another pod for the vermin to spread their beliefs with.
How unnatural!
To think I might have even promoted him to becoming my BFF!
The mere thought makes my skin crawl all over.
As the Holy book of Will & Grace tells us through Jack 3:16, "Man shall not lie with woman as man lies with man. Man shall only lie with woman in case they are stuck in a real bad snowstorm and the only way to survive is too suck face with each other. Otherwise, man can only go to town on another man".
Of course these married people go to heaven. Heaven is full of such other depraved souls. They roam the streets of heaven looking for the soul of the one whose face they woke up to every sad day of their lives. Then they are entwined with them for eternity. Or course that will only last until Hugh Hefner reaches there and starts printing heaven porn. Then all hell will break lose.
Speaking of hell, it is nothing but a paradise. A paradise where no man is fat. No man is ugly. A place where everyone has six packs. A netherworld filled with nothing but streams of alcohol and trees of condoms. A place full of bars which play showtunes all day long so the men can dance with each other. It even has large, comfortable bathroom stalls for the men to satisfy each other's carnal needs. And last but not the least, lots and lots of Ikea furniture for the lesbians to sit down on so that they can talk about politics and global warming. In other words, it's even better than Broadway.
So, don't listen to the vermin.
Don't let them convince you that their depraved, sexless existence is the path that leads to happiness.
Just remember, one day the great one will descend from his abode among the stars, and turn everyone into either a top or a bottom and make his favourite ones versatile.
Until then, in the eternal words of Queen George of Whamdoom, just keep on fucking.
Over the past week and a half, India has officially come out of the closet. In a nation which still giggles when someone talks about hetero sex or reproductive organs, there were prime time news broadcasts about how "the gays" like to do it doggie style. While ninety year old grandmothers held a detailed discussion about power bottoms, little kids wrote a paper on the history of S&M as represented in popular gay culture as part of their summer assignment.
Although, not everybody is happy with the rainbow flag suddenly spreading all over the subcontinent. There are people who fear that since the Delhi High Court has opened the floodgates, no one will want to love anyone of the opposite sex anymore which will result in decreased male descendants ultimately causing the untimely demise of this young, vibrant nation whose people will then disappear from the face of the earth and take with them their ancient culture, their movies, the secret recipe of Chicken Manchurian and the ability to convince Dell computer owners to buy more RAM modules everytime they call in to report a faulty keyboard. And then China will take over the vast empty wasteland and turn it into a nation of four year old child factory workers making lots and lots of things which they will then export to the United States so that the illegal Mexican workers can sell them to innocent American consumers through the magic of Walmart.
Okay, that's not what is really going to happen, but you would think that it might be a possibility while listening to all the talking heads on TV predicting the end of civilization as we know it unless all the gay people are sent of to Nazi camps.
Are heterosexual people really that fickle? Can you guys flick a switch or something and start doing it with people of the same sex just like that? Do we need to get you drunk or it's the law that's holding you back? I mean, no offense, but no law can make me want to have sex with a woman. The mere thought makes me want to wash my brain out with some nice shampoo, which has the picture of a hot, showering hunk on it's bottle cover. Sorry ladies, but the 'snapper likes him some peckers. You ain't getting any of this, baby!
Also! We have such a large population in this country that while the rest of the world shrivels and dies, we would still have young people around so that their parents can guilt them into becoming over-achievers by the time they pass first grade.
The other day, I happened to catch this old guy who was on a panel discussion about the HC verdict, and was arguing against it. He said that if two men or woman can have sex with each other, then he should be allowed to have sex his bitch in the privacy of his own bedroom. I was shocked. I was like, C'mon, old man, that's no way to talk about your wife. She can't be that bad. I think he needs to learn to respect her, specially on national television. Tut, tut. such a shame. Is there no morality left in this country?
Of course, the most vocal opponents have been the old faithful, the religious wingnuts. Gay people have achieved something that even the great MK Gandhi couldn't achieve. We have managed to get all the crazy religious people on the same side of an argument.
The first if, of course, is the Roman Catholic Church. These people really need a strong does of irony when they give their tried & tested pedophilia argument. That's because there are more pedophiles in the catholic church than in any other community, except of course, a mormon compound. If you want to embarrass a catholic priest, just ask him where the little boys room is!
Then of course, comes the self-appointed Hindu high priests. Well, blah, blah, blah, Kama Sutra. Blah, blah, blah, gay sculptures at Khajrao. Next.
As for the Muslim high priests, who I gotta ask if they have you even heard anyone speak Urdu? It's one of the gayest languages of the world. It was used by poets and writers to express their unrequited and forbidden love for someone whom they could never have. Hate to spoil your party, but who else knows better about unrequited and forbidden love than gay people? We've kind of written the book on wanting people we could never have. Like, wtf, Dude!
So, wingnuts, next time you open your mouth to say something about people who are different, just remember that people who live in glass houses really need to get some curtains. Specially ones which slightly contrast the colour of the room. Maybe a Persian rug to go along with it. Also, the room is best decorated with some antique furniture. If you can't afford antique furniture then you can hire someone who can make cheap trash look classy and elegant.
You can use the same guy Elton John uses to do his his makeup everyday.
I always wondered what it would have been to be an Indian pre-1947. Being born into the country decades after the British had left the country, I always wondered the euphoria the people would have felt at the stroke of the midnight hour on 15 August 1947, when the world slept while India awoke to life and freedom.
Perhaps it is the same feeling that I felt yesterday. While the rest of the country was freed of colonial rule on 15 august 1947, the members of the LGBT community in India was still being treated as second-class citizens in their own country, for simply being who they are.
The judgement of the Delhi High court on 2 July 2009 has finally freed the last section of the population which was still technically under colonial rule. The judgement is historic. It provided hope to millions of people. People who have been persecuted for being who they are. Persecuted for simply wanting to love and be loved. Persecuted for being brave enough to want the rights that were guaranteed to them under the constitution.
Yesterday was India's second tryst with destiny. At the stroke of the afternoon hour, while the world looked on, India awoke to life and freedom, one more time.
The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future?
This ruling does not bring with itself social acceptance. There will still be families and friends who disapprove. People will still make still snigger. Nevertheless, the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now. We have to learn that there will always be people who will discriminate against you because of who you are. Whether it's because of the colour of your skin, your name, your shoe size, the way you style your hair etc.
We don't need acceptance from those people nor we need a "you're moral" character certificate from the "God-hates-you" crowd.
We only need our own acceptance, and the love and support of the people who appreciate us for who we are and not who they would prefer us to be.
Be fabulous. Always.
xoxo
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(Okay, for those who haven't figured it out yet, this post heavily borrows from Nehru's speech that he gave to the constituent assembly on 15 August 1947. I'm sure he would have wanted to say this. He was one of us, after all. Click here for the original. )
I never thought I would see this day in my lifetime.
I think something happened over the past week. Somehow, the world around us has changed.
This is not the end of the fight, but it's just the beginning. We do have a long way ahead.
However, right now I would like to commend the Delhi High Court for being on the right side of history.
I would also like to express gratitude for everyone who did not lose hope and kept fighting and gave a voice to millions of others.
I'll be back when I can write more coherently.
Cheers, everyone.
