Sunday, August 17, 2008

The one in which we further the "homosexual agenda"

There are those when you get up and you have that feeling that it's going to be a really, really long day?

And even though you wake up at 2.30 in the afternoon, you have this feeling of impending doom. You know it's some festival but you don't remember which exactly? And after having your coffee you realize that you actually promised your sister an actual gift this time around for rakhi instead of handing her some cash and saying "Dude, get yourself sumthing nice." Then you remember that you didn't get her anything but you know she's gonna forgive you when you go sniff sniff and tell her that you have a "bad cold-d". And she knows how lazy you are. She's probably expecting it. So why to shock & awe her?

But that's not why it's going to be a long day. Or a long post. It's because people are coming over. People with kids. Kids of people who I am supposed to be related too. Which is scary. In both ways.

I mean cousins and relatives are kind of funny. I mean people you meet once or twice a year. I, as a rule, don''t bother with their names or occupation because I mostly just say a simple and effective Hi or nod my head to them anyway. The point I'm trying to make is that it's strange that people you are so unfamiliar with act like they're your best friend. Which is kinda stupid but the whole concept of "relatives" is kinda stupid. So I guess it goes with the territory.

Anyways, so this women (cousin? cousin's wife? avon lady??) suddenly decides to take it upon herself to talk some "sense" into me about marriage. Though almost everybody in the room cautions her against it. There have been great men and women who tried to argue with the whippersnapper but alas everything they said or did came to nought. So this women thought that she could change the course of history and change my opinion about something.

So she started her monologue about marriage and she said the usual stuff like you need to further the human race by having more children and that according to her I should now bring in someone take "care" of my parents. Yes, exactly. Like there aren't already enough children in the world and like my family needs a maid or something.

And then I realized, that like most people, she really doesn't know what she's talking about. That she doesn't get it.

I mean isn't mariage supposed to be about two people who love each other and want to spend their lives together. Not because they want to further their clan or get someone to cook & clean. Just like those idiots who accuse the proponents of Gay marriage as trying to further the homosexual agenda (can anybody memo me on this please?) their marriage is based on the wrong principles.

I mean if this is their definition of marriage, then I really don't want any part of it. I'd rather have a "commitment ceremony" or whatever other kinds of crappy names we can come up with.

Not that I woudn't call two people who would want to spend the rest of their lives together lazy and a little bit dellusional, but in a cute way. Cute like having a double chin.

p.s. We have a double chin. So cracks about double chins will not be appreciated. Well, unless they are funny. We'll laugh at anything, really.


Piper .. said...

hmm.. can so relate! Did a similar post on 'well-meaning' relatives and 'friends' who take it upon themselves to change the course of my life!!
"To be or not to be" in the June archive of my blog.
Someone should seriously ask them to shove their opinions where they truly belong,huh?

unsungpsalm said...

In defence of Straight Marriage, it does result in a sacred bond between 2 people who love each other so very much. Parent and Child.

Okay, I feel horrid leaving a serious comment on this blog.

Double Chins suck. Ha! So there!
(And I would know... I have one too :( )

Kris Bass said...

Why are you so funny? Are you on OD with funny pill?

Relatives suck. And not in the good way.

About marriages, when you truly love someone, its nice to be bonded by that 'sacred institution'. For me, I need to adopt. And not be the butt of jokes. And maybe I need know what divorce feels like as well.

I do NOT have a double-chin!

D said...

I think having children should be the last reason to get married. And come to think of it, I really know no reason that seems marriage look reasonable. You gotta trust me on this one - I'm married.

DewdropDream said...

One would think telling them you're going to be a single parent to an adopted child would solve that issue. Why not just use that then?????

unsungpsalm said...

Probably because they'd be scandalised at the thought of Ramby raising a kid all by himself :P

Prash said...

Last May when I visited India, everybody was talking to me about it is time for me and an arranged marriage, a nice countryside girl from Kerala will suit me...the neighbour of my sister-in-law's uncle is worried about my life...I was just meeting him for the first time in my life. He is worried about me and my life...oh boy ! Certain even talked to me about the "karma" of my parents...they cannot go to heaven unless they get me hooked up with a girl and see my children. Funnily, my parents aren't really asking questions (as they think it is more of a private issue)...all the neighbors, "relatives" as you say it...are more worried about your life. Again, as you say, "stupid" ...i would rather say "ridicule" like Mark Twain !

Homosexuality agenda...well, for me it is more of a "rights". If the heterosexuals have the choice of marrying or not marrying. Why not the homosexuals too...It is all bout equality and rights for me.

chandni said...

What r u talking about Ramby?

Marriage is not about love, its about two families exchanging money and the girl. Just that.

Its also about pomp ad show and spenind obscene amounts of money feeding people who look like they've never seen a full meal before, stuffing their faces and all that.

And if there's time left, there's also free sex, but mostly because one needs to make babies.

bloggingknight said...

Yup relatives suck. Mine relatives too come up with so many weird ideas about my career, education and blah blah and try to make me walk like them. Stupids.
And Hehe i think marriage's union of two loving souls irrespective of gender. If two people decide to take a vow, then who cares abt others? :P

And i too don't have double chin. (Sorry, but i have bad memories with double chins. So err...)

DewdropDream said...

@Unsungpsalm: hehe! Yes the thought did strike me but it's still a good answer... would leave those people speechless for a bit :D

Prash said...

I believe, in India, marriage is not between two is rather between two families. And again, what pisses me off is "woman" in this issue. In Indian culture & society, a woman is never a woman...

A woman in India, she is :

Daughter in law
Sister in law
Cousin in law

They always have a role to play and they hardly live a life for them (of course there are exceptions in big cities in India). I am talking about the majority ~

Mexjewel said...

Marriage is a CIVIL contract between two people to share their lives together. There is nothing written about making babies ... a great need out there! If reproduction is a requirement, then sterile/barren people aren't allowed to marry, nor people over the child-bearing age. Have a baby within year or divorce is automatic!

Neha said...

Haha...I actually really enjoy family gatherings! But yes, those oh-so-not-needed advice from random relatives can be a bit of a pain. All you have to do is, keep a smile on ur face and block all sound from entering ur system, and u've survived the "talk" :p!

As for the question of marriage, I truly believe in the institution, mainly because I want the stability of knowing that i'm going to be with someone for the rest of my life, someone who I love, and who loves be back. Its basically like an insurance policy u see :P!

Anyway, some interesting thoughts here!
Keep writing!

PS: Double chins are cute. Period.

closetalk said...

y? wat's wrong with the homo agenda? *blank look*

o, and let's not be all teeny-bopper abt mallory towers and go ga-ga abt the sacredness of marriage, puh-leeez. i like how u put it, though, whippy: "cute". lol.

Firebolt said...

Well, people just don't understand. I wonder what situations I'll have to face when I'm grown up and (seemingly) single. What will my relatives be like. I can only imagine and it's horribly boring.

I have nothing against a true marriage. One in which the couple actually understands it.

I agree with Prash on the fact that Indian women are supposed to play certain roles. That it is their "duty".

Double chins are cute. I think I'm getting one myself.

The Line of Beauty said...

bloody relatives..good part is that we don't see them as often.

lemonade said...

I don't know if you watch the show 'Brothers and Sisters', but in the second season, they portray this incredible gay realtionship (which is so beautiful in itself), and it finally culminates in a commitment ceremony. Try to download it and watch it if you can, one of the best love stories, that i've seen in a long time!

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

piper: I read that ... "Relatives" should be classified as a separate species. At least mine should.

usp: The only sacred bond between parent and child is the one in the bank. And you should feel horrid when you are serious. Double Chins are cool.

Dr Bass: Yes, relatives do suck. They suck like a pile of spoiled tarts.
You don't have a double chin?? You lucky ****. Even if you did,
you're a doctor, you can get rid of them. :P ...

d: Why is it that the worst advocates of marriage are actual married people? I don't believe in marriage at all, though. And thanks for the hat tip :P ...

ddd: Oh I love scandalizing people like these. I said a lot of stuff to her. She finally lost it and went back to wherever she came from.

usp: Says who?? I'll be a good parent. And I have experience. I have bought up my phones. That's good enough. Hmph. Babies come with an instruction manual, right? *freaks out*

prash: Yes. Equality for everybody. I mean I don't wanna get married, but I have the right to have an option. If these "relatives" trouble you, just do what I do. Don't acknowledge their existence and look away when they say something to you. Works for me, most of the time.

chandni: And only male babies should be made. Female babies should be returned to the manufacturer.

dk: Relatives are the same everywhere I guess. There needs to be a law for them I guess.

ddd: et tu brute?

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

prash: Yes. Marriage in India is so fucking complicated. It's like a physics equation.

mexjewel: Yes, that was my point. Sanctimonious people like this women just don't get it.

neha: You enjoy family gatherings? I can only attend them after downing at least two shots of tequila. Thanks for finding double chins cute. If only you were a gay boy :P ....

ct: My point was that there is no homo agenda. I don' Why do people get all defensive about the supposed "sacredness". I agree. puh-leez.

firebolt: Oh, when relatives attack just follow the advice I gave to Prash. And you find double chins cute too? Geez. Why are all the good ones taken?? :P

lob: .. and we ignore them when we see them .. :P

lemonade: Oh ... I love Brothers & Sisters. Their potrayl is so beautiful. I've seen the commitment ceremony scene. I like it ... :D ...

unsungpsalm said...

Of course babies come with a manual, but the manuals can only do so much, right?
I mean, your folks followed the manual very strictly, and their product is as good as defective already!

DewdropDream said...

hee hee!!! You said you 'bought up' your phones. That says everything about your parenting abilities now :P

Scratch the whole baby/kid plan... be a sugar-daddy. Besht solution :D

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

usp: Oh, my parents never used the manual. They tried their own stuff on my siblings before me and kinda got things right when I was born. And you can't blame them for me. They wanted a good, upstanding citizen and they got me, the reincarnation of Satan.

ddd: What's your obsession with sugar daddies?? :P :P ... Though I wouldn't mind doing that. Plus I don't thing the world is ready yet for a toddler who goes "I pee like that, sometimes" everytime he wets his diaper.

DewdropDream said...

"I pee like that, sometimes'??? HAHAHHAA!!! What, your kid's gonna be like the poster-boy/girl for potty training manuals or something??!!

And no obsession with sugar daddies... obsessision with making you one... YOU put me onto the idea. Think na... become one and you can have a young thing to fawn over without the parental responsibility :P

DewdropDream said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

You mean kids don't come trained???? You gota train these things? Can we hire someone to do that??? Sheesh, this is too much work already.

I hope the young thing I fawn over is over 18. Well, at least over 20. I'm not a paed.... I mean, I'm not like unsung psalm.

Scribblers Inc said...

oh we dont have much of a difference when it comes to relatives I theory is they probably belong to a lost race of rabbits...its the evolution delusion that has turned them human!!

Scribblers Inc.

DewdropDream said...

Do you intend to update any time soon? I'm bored. Want new post.

unsungpsalm said...

You're a sweet guy, y'know.
*Hugs him, and then kicks him in the nuts*

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

scribblers inc: exactly .. it's really hard to understand anything they say ..

ddd: well, i shall, soon.

usp:*While trying to kick ramby, unsung gets hurt because Ramby's wearing a crotch protector*
*ramby looks at a fallen unsung ad says HA*

why did i refer to myself in third person?