Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Does that count as ...coming out?

I've been meaning to write a post about this for the past few weeks but never got to do it .... So here it is .........

Well, about two and a half weeks ago, while my cousins were over me and my bro had taken them to watch a movie. Well, the movie was horrible, and by the time we came out of the theater, we were quite hungry. However, it was a bit late in the night. So we decided to eat in one of the joints around the theater. So while my suggestions for TGIF and a sushi bar were ruled out my brother saw this new place which had opened up, and which served, what else but Indian food. So we went in their restaurant. Well, it was empty but we could hear music from their nightclub. Since we were with my cousins, my brother went in to see. He came out within a few seconds and told us that we are going someplace else. I was surprised and asked him what's wrong. He didn't say anything but until we were downstairs. So, after being question so much by the others mu brother spilled the beans. He said that there were Gay people dancing in there. I was like WHAT? He said yeah, there were Gay people in there. So I said why did you run out? He said that there were Gay people. I said let's go back there. He said we'll go someplace else.
Then I launched into a speech about homosexuality and homophobia and stuff. So my bro asks me, "Are you Gay?", I answered (quite unconvincingly, I might add) "Are you crazy?". He then said "You are so gay!!". I just smiled weakly. I said I just don't like your phobic attitude and then my cousins changed the subject and we headed to have some Chinese.

So now, as you might ask, why didn't I confirm my brother's suspicion there and then? Well the reason was that my cousins were there with me. And they are the biggest gossip mongers I have ever seen. And they are quite homophobic. And that was not the place. I wanted to tell him one on one.

Having said that, I think on some level my brother knows. Why I say that is because when I saw into his eyes, it was like he knew. Also, a few years ago, when I was in college, he was using my computer and come across a video of naked guys. No it wasn't porn. And some pictures. So he asked me if I was gay and I said I am building a gay website and getting paid for it. There was no website. So, he kind of knows. Plus he hasn't seen me talk about a girlfriend in a long time. And a few months ago, he asked me if I was a virgin and I said something like not been to fourth base with a woman. Something like that. So he HAS to know on some level.

It's not that I don't want him to know. I want everyone I know to know. I don't bother about the consequences. Well, at least sometimes. And I will tell him when it is time. Like when I told my mom. When I had that gut feeling. So when I have that, I will tell him.

But, to my credit, I did NOT get all defensive. I just smiled like a jackass. So here it is, am almost pseudo, coming out.


A rebel all the way... said...

Had I been in ur place when your bro said 'you are so gay!', I would have nearly died laughing....as it is I found it so difficult to control my giggles when I read it on ur blog...:)))

Orangeorka said...

Hey, I guess he probably suspects, but doesn't want to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

I guess since you are out to your mom, when you decide to tell your bro, you could actually ask her to help.

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

rebel: yeah .... It was funny the way he said it; though I didn't realize at that time!

orange: It's good though; when I finally tell him, it won't be such a surprise then!! Plus I don't wanna drag my mom into this. I'll tell everyone on my own. Maybe I will need to. Dunno yet.

W said...

It's a hard thing and you'll be more ready than now.Hells, even while living in a liberal place doesn't seem to be helping us out, and it must be doubly difficult for you. Don't fret about not being able to tell anyone yet, relax and try to enjoy your youth.

Do you have AIM or MSN?