My Inner Voice

So while most people think I'm a little special (read: crazy), one of the reasons is that damn inner voice. The reason I can't make up so many of my decisions is because of their chatter. So here's what usually happens:

(iv = inner voice)

Scenario 1: When I am about to ping Ryan on the social-networking site

me:- i think that's good, eh?
iv1:- Really? You call that good? Who are you, chief wigam from the simpsons?
iv2:- Nah that's fine. Just send it, it's already been half a fuckin hour. I wanna see some porn.
iv3:- it needs to have some sort of secret gay code....
iv4:- are we aware of any gay subtext?
iv5:- Zack Braff is so hot ......
iv2:- just send it jackass ...
iv1:- No. Make it a little interesting. Ask a question. And the second line is so not funny.
iv3:- remember, don't complement him so much ... we don't wanna scare him off do we...
me:- shut up guys ... im sending it ...
iv1:- well don't come crying back to us ....
me:- fine. (Clicks on send)
iv2:- now let's see some naked boys ....
iv1:- ure such a whore ..
iv2:- ahhhhh. Thanks, bitch.

Scenario 2: Waiting for Ryan's answer

me:- he hasn't replied yet
iv1:- it's been 10 minutes u asshole. Stop checking your mail.
iv3:- i hate to be the voice of sanity here, but maybe he won't reply.
me:- WHAT?
iv2:- dude, don't get him started. I don't wanna hear Cry me a river the whole day.
iv4:- Why? I loveee that song ....
iv2:- You are soo gay ...
me:- haloooo, aren't we all ...
iv5:- If they could get Zack Braff and Justin Long to do it on camera, woudn't that be super?
iv2:- Yeah......
me:- hey .. he still hasn't replied ......
iv2:- Maybe... just maybe because he has a life ......
me:- fine ... shut up ... all of you ... i'm goin off to sleep
iv1:- It's 10.00 Am asshole ......
iv3:- Dude .... this guy doesn't have a life ...geez louise ..

Scenario 3: On why doesn't Ryan like me ..

me:- Why doesn't he love me like I do?
iv1:- dude you really need a scriptwriter ... Stop stealing lines from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. ......
iv2:- It's probably the total lack of personality ...
iv3:- No ... It's the nose ... the lips aren't that good either ... and the eyes ... Ahem .. it's the whole fuckin face .....
iv4:- Nah .. it's the ass ......
iv5:- maybe he's straight .....
iv1:- dude ... u don't know anything ... just stay in your fantasies ..aright ....
iv5:- No seriously, I mean he can be straight, u never know ....
iv2:- Nope. That's not it. It's the face.
me:- I'm fine as I am. He should accept me warts n all.
iv2:- which warts? You told him about your warts? You're such a fool.
me:- No .. That's a figure of speech.
iv2:- Can you please put the fuckin self help book down. What are you, a pussy?
me:- Hey ..... watch it now ...
iv1:- Yeah .. Please we don't use such language here ..... no reference to female genitalia, it makes us wanna puke ...
iv2:- Fine. What are you, ugly betty? Shut up and get some plastic surgery done ...
iv3:- and while you are at it, the ass can use some work too ...
me:- You guys are crazy. I'm happy as I am. No changes. Shut Up.
iv2:- Put the book down idiot. Go hit the gym.
me:- I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow.
iv4:- Really? Stuffing your face with food and sleeping the whole day can tire you?
me:- Yeah .... I also did some work ......
iv3:- Wanking is not work you asshole.
Me:- Fine. I'll go for a walk. But I'm not going to the gym.
iv2:- Whatever.
iv1:- Yeah. Whatever.
iv3:- Procrastinating asshole.
iv4:- Guys .. cmon .. give him a break ... Now put on cry me a river ......
me:- well, it tears on my guitar these days ....
iv4:- YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A GUITAR ...
me:- just a song ....
iv4:- freak.
iv5:- James Mcavoy, sounds so hot with the accent ....


Now you know what I'm up against? And no. Please, Put down the phone. I don't need rehab.