So there is this test Ryan gave and I really want to ping him and ask him what his result was. Depending on what his result is, he will either stay or go to uni. Though I am really curious, I don't wanna ping him and then go through the following process:
- me taking an eternity to come up with a decent question
- deep anxiety over whether he will answer it or not
- pure ecstasy when the reply is received from him
- withdrawal symptoms once the reply has been read followed by a sudden maddening urge to go out and "play" with him
- a long bout of depression
- restarting the process of getting over him
And that's the good part. So if I ask him, I would need to go back to Phase 1, which is a totally bad place, but if I don't I'll still go back to phase 1 because i'll keep thinking about it.
I know nothing's gonna happen with him ever, but I just can't seem to let go. And I really don't want to go through the whole process again. I've succeeded a bit in trying not thinking about him at least for the past two days, and been a bit cheerful, and no matter what answer I get, I'll be yearning and sulking for a few days.
Do I lose his friendship (or whatever is left of it) because of my feelings or do I maintain a distance with him while I get over my feelings for him? Also, will I ever be able to get over him, ever? These are questions to which I don't have any answers to right now.
Sometimes, something as simple can be as complicated as the United Nations.