Monday, January 14, 2008

Dear Ryan ....

My Dear Ryan,

Hi. I know you will never get to read this. I know you would freak if you ever did. I'm still gonna write this assuming that you will one day.

Ever since the first day I saw you, I've had this enormous crush on you. I tried to make it go away, but I couldn't. No matter what I did, I couldn't. And I never got to know when it turned into love. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. I'll never know.

I never loved you just cause I wanted to do you. I wanted to spend time with you, lie down with you on the beach, choose your haircut, make out with you in the moonlight, the works. But that's never going to happen.

For three years I have carried this torch. I want to come up and say this to you. I would've, however, right now I don't think I can handle your rejection. I'm much better off not telling you. It may be my cowardice, but that's the way it shall remain.

I'm sorry for those stupid insane questions and sorry for those expectations.

You don't know how much even a message from you meant to me. I would jump with joy if you either replied to my message and/or sent a forwarded message or wished me on an occasion. I will never forget those moments and will always savor them. I also am sorry for all the time I was angry at you for not replying to my message(s) or email or for completely ignoring my stupid questions.

I still have a glimmer of hope buried in my heart that one day "we" might happen. But the realist in me says that it won't. I'm trying to move on and hopefully, one day I will be able to.

I'm sorry I have ceased all contact with you (not that you would've noticed!!). I need to do that to try to move on.

Ryan, there are lots of things I want to say to you. Lots of things I want to do with you. Hell, there are lots of things I want to do to you. But right now, I'll only say that I LOVE YOU.

May you always be happy. Have a good life.




Hish said...

Oh my. Why do I feel like this is my future letter to Jay (the guy I mention a lot in my blog)?

I know how it feels though, the whole one-sided, hidden feelings thing.

Is he straight?

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

I think he's straight ..... Thinking he is gay would seem like wishful thinking on my part!!

And at least you get to spend time with Jay! ..... :)