Wednesday, August 27, 2008

You know you are really fat & lazy when

- all the eateries around your house have installed a special private line just for your calls

- a restaurant introduces an "all-you-can-eat" offer for it's regular patrons, it sends you a notarized letter informing you that the offer does not apply to you

- in a time of crisis, your family turns to you after they have exhausted ALL their options

- you don't want to have children and/or pets because taking care of them will be "too much work"

- you receive an award and you phone in your acceptance speech

- when you show someone your photograph, you tell them that "the camera adds 1800 pounds"

- at your favorite restaurant, when you ask the waiter to bring "the usual", it actually refers to everything on the menu

- your t-shirt size is "oh my god! what the fuck"

- the reason you got late for the meeting? the escalator got stuck

- you classify dialing a phone number as exercise

- your daily intake of food could feed three countries in Africa, for a month

- your doctor privately refers to you as "my house-in-the-Bahamas fund"

- when a car bangs into you, you barely notice while the car is damaged beyond repair

- you are legally required not to jump because the last time you did, it cause an earthquake which was measured at 7.5 on the richter scale

- you have your own postal code

- your blood group is sugar

- you supersize you burger and fries and order a diet coke

- you'd rather die of thirst then go to the kitchen 5 feet away from your room to get a glass of water

- you get invited for an event, your first thought is "how can i get out of it?"

- your insurance company pays you in tubs of your favorite ice cream instead of money

- you haven't watched tv in ages because you can't find the damn remote

29 comments:

bloggingknight said...

Hehe, very funny ramby.

according to these points: I am not fat and lazy.

But one thing: I miss not-so-funny ramby who talks abt his life in not-so-joke-manner. Or is tht Ramby is on vacation?

D said...

Lol lol lol!

I think I will eventually die of thirst because I'm too lazy to get myself a glass of water!

DewdropDream said...

You cannot phone in an acceptance speech. It requires dialing the number and that's exercise. I'd recommend texting... but that requires exercise too :D :P Tape yourself and have someone mail the recording to the authorities hehe :D

ghazal said...

OMG! this is sooooooooo funny:)

Swats said...

awesomeeee! hw do u manage 2 think of such points??

I Me Myself said...

k.. the post ws funny.. bt has shamelessly left me wondering if i cud actually hv a private line fr al the eateries in the house! sounds gud! fat lazy or wotever.. who cares ;-)

Ellis said...

I'd kill to have t-shirt sizes like "oh my god! what the fuck". The size 00's could also have "eat more!" written on them in big capital letters.

unsungpsalm said...

Wow! You know what? You don't qualify either...

Surely, sitting and typing out blog-post after blog-post isn't characteristic of someone who's fat and lazy...

Welcome to our fold, Ramby! We're so happy to have you on the lighter side :) :)

Kris Bass said...

Ironically, the funnier post (the one before this) received much lesser attention. I guess that was little to 'intelligent'. What say ramby?

This one's funny too! But I didn't laugh riot!

Phoenix said...

lol

flygye12 said...

@DK: u hit the nail on its head (something i've been complainin about for ages)...tho these are nice too :)

ps: ramby ur making me start hating lists...tho i was quite active on that 25yo one :)

unsungpsalm said...

@Ramby
With regds. to Kris's comment, it's so true! When you're the funniest guy around, you're expected to be up to a certain standard all the time, and it's only you who pushes it further up.

There's criticism in there, but then, there's this HUGE compliment too! I love paradoxes :)

Neha said...

ROFL!!

Specially at " Your T-shirt size is...omg what the fuck?!"
Classic Rambo!!

Can sooooooo relate to u!! I just got a 30 mins long lecture from my mom about how i'm wasting away my life, and viling away my time. How I just sit and do nothing all day, and not even avail the facilities of the gym and swimming pool which are in the same building as we live!!

I hear ya brother...we fall in the same category :D!

Keep writing plzplzplz!

English said...

WS, move to a place of your own so that you get too lazy to cook your own dinner. If you're like me you'll find that the pounds disappear almost instantly!

But seriously, why even consider weight these days? Life could be short and we need to make the most of every day that passes.

A rebel all the way... said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!
hey bhagwaan...eeeeks...sorry....hey bhaggu (see i liked this post so much that I am actually writing that word)....u r realllly awesome man....i laughed like crazy when i read this..."you have your own postal code"....hahahhahaa....am STILL laughing....
god bless you!!

pepe M. said...

i was thinking how to motivate whippy to get his fat ass off to the threadmill before he becomes...the entire zip code of india :)

unsungpsalm said...

*Pepe
L-O-L!
You run away with the cake for that one :P :P

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

dk: ... your not fat & lazy? well, andy said something different the other day .. :P ...

d: awww... i know how it feels :( ...

ddd: well, you can have someone dial or dictate it to them and have them phone it in ..

ghazal thank you ...

swats: well, it's all inspired from real life ...

i me myself: well, you need to be a realllly good customer for that .. :P

ellis: that's a good idea too ....

usp: it is characteristic of fat & lazy people .. :P ... i'm not on the lighter side yet .. :P .... maybe in the next decade or so

dr bass: well, to be fair, everyone has a different interpretation of "funny" ... some like subtle humor and some like LOL humor ... not that i think i'm funny

phoenix: :D

captain sailor: well, i won't be doing lists for a time .... though u never know :P ...

usp: i know you love paradoxes ... to be frank, i don't publish anything i don't enjoy writing ... and each post is different in it's own unique way .. :P ...

neha: that's my favorite too .. :P .. Even I don't use the gym my brother has on the floor above my room :P .. we are so sailing on the same boat ...

english: if i won't e able to cook, I'll be ordering out .. so it's gona be worse if I move out .... and i know weight is baaad ... just too lazy to have any self control ....

rebel: WOW!! hey bhaggu, i can't believe you actually said that!! :P ... I'm still in shock ..

pepe: well, there is something you can do to motivate me but it's to vulgar for this blog :D :P ..

usp: sorry, but i ate the cake ... *burp*

unsungpsalm said...

Oh LoL! Okay, THAT one took the ca... uh, pastry.

Go ahead; devour this as well.

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

Even though I'm feeling little bit peckish, I'll have it only if it's chocolate.




Who am I kidding? Hand me that pastry, unsung.

*double burp*

I have no self control. Sigh.

I Me Myself said...

ya ya.. me a realllyyy good customer.. tel me u'r selling it!

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

Well not just realllly god, reallllllllly good. In fact there is a new proposal of building a direct tunnel to my room :P

Prash said...

One of my friend is so sad and depressive as he is dumped lately...I showed him this post and it did cheer him up and he sent me an email saying that he laughed out to hell at office while reading this post.

D said...

Did you delete a post?

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

prash: That was so sweet .. :) ...


d: well, errr, sort of ..

unsungpsalm said...

Okay, we really need to find you some sort of profession in writing. You'd beat PG at his own game!

*Clap Clap*

I'm going to make you a resume and send it out, soon!

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

Who is PG? ? ?

unsungpsalm said...

Ummm... try WODEHOUSE?

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

uh-oh. Okay.

Shhh. Don't tell anyone I asked that.

p.s. I thought Wodehouse too, but I believed you were referring to someone else.