Monday, August 25, 2008

The world is going to the dogs

So I was half asleep, lying on my bed, out of sheer exhaustion, having been working the whole day. And then ...

Fine. I know you folks wouldn't believe me anyway. So let me rephrase that.

So I was lying on my couch, almost passed out from having had a little extra to drink than usual, when suddenly I found myself privy to some strange conversation.

I have always suspected that animals speak to each other and just pretend to be dumb in front of us. Yesterday, I got proof. I heard my family's pets talking amongst themselves. Coincidentally, it was about me.

So let's call these pets M, D and S.

Here's whatever part of their conversation I could remember:

M: So he's passed out again on the couch.
D: I'm getting sick of this shit, ya know. This guy has no life.
D: I mean, I'm not trying to judge here, but get a job, buddy.
S: I know!! He just lies around all day doing nothing. What a bum.
M: What are you guys talkin about? Don't you see him typing away on his notebook most of the time?
D: He's probabaly seing some porn again. What a fuckerhead.
D: That's the good thing about being a dog. You don't need porn. You're always naked.
M: You're such a dweeb, you know.
S: Shut up both of you, you'll wake him up.
D: Oh, don't worry. He's not going to wake up for another few hours.
D: Even a bazooka wont be able to wake him up right now.
M: That was funny, *giggle*
D: I'm funny like that, sometimes.
S: Oh, shut the fuck up asshole. I already hear him say that the whole day long.
S: Now you don't start. If I hear it one more time, someone's going to need a rabies injection.
M: I know. He thinks it's funny. Someone needs to tell him that it's the best seller at the lame-o-rama.
M: Lamer than his joke about calling us "Sons-of-Bitches" the whole day long.
M: I mean, for the love of the big woof in the sky, get a new joke. It's been two years, jackass.
D: Oh, he thinks he has a sense of humour.
S: Well, I don't know where he gets such weird ideas from.
S: And he's really been unstopable the last few weeks.
S: Someone's been giving him the wrong idea that he's funny.
M: You know, sometimes, when I hear him talk, I want to kill myself, just to feel a little better.
M: I agree. It's just not worth it.
D: You guys, you should start meditating.
M: Where do you get such weird ideas from?
D: Well, I was hungry and got one of his books to eat, but it was this new age spiritual book and it got interesting.
D: I now know three types of meditation. Yay for me.
D: And, I started my second bok already. I'm currently half-way through something called The Secret.
S: What's it about?
D: It's about positive thinking and shit like that.
D: You need to tell the universe what you exactly want and it ends up giving it to you.
M: Like a drive-in McDonalds?
D: No, not exactly.
S: Then?
D: Well, it's complicated. Too deep for your primitive minds.
M: Who died and made you a neo-guru, huh?
D: You know M, you can be such a bitch sometimes. Bow.
M: Yeah, like totally.
S: You dogs are crazy, you know that.
S: You're stealing and eating too many of his "special cakes".
S: I think you're getting delerious.
M: Oh, man, fuck, those cakes are delicious. They take me to a place I never even new existed.
M: Like a higher ground or something.
D: Forget that. I was talking to you about catharsis.
D: Whenever you get angry at him, just go and pee on his car.
D: He hates that.
D: And I love it when he gets a panic attack everytime I leave my man-juice on his car tires. The expression on his face when he discovers that is priceless.
D: It just makes all his bad one-liners worth listening to.
M: D, stop licking you own balls. You should know how to behave in front of a lady.
S: Like you're a lady. Ha!
M: Well, I'll have you know, that I pee sitting down. Hmph.
S: Oh yeah, that's the most important thing for a lady. You're right. My bad.
D: I'm hungry. I need some chow.
M: Well, I think he got a new batch of his special cakes made today. It's on the table in his room.
S: Let's go.


Kris Bass said...






I can't control my excitement!

Rambws: I declare you and your blog, funniest blogger and funniest blog! You may now kiss your blog!

A rebel all the way... said...

why can't i see your blog properly? dont know whether the problem is at my end or urs...i see 'upgrade to pro' printed everywhere and the formatting has gone for a toss n stuff...

closetalk said...

ummmm.... okkkkkkkkkkk.....!

PS: experimenting with blog design?

bloggingknight said...

hahaha you made my day Ramby... tht's so funny :P

btw, what's up with the layout? I find it's hard to read your posts because of color. Or is it only me who feels tht way :)

D said...

Funny! Are you sure those were your pets :P

And the template, Ramby, wil make me blinder than I am!

Neha said...


Hilarious Rambo!! Gosh, u REALLY seem to have a lot of time on ur hands to imagine ur pets having a conversation :P! Well, i'm not complaining...U made me wake up with laughter!

PS: Blog design is a bit funny, in an unfunny way :p! Whats up with that?

Prash said...

So funny ! I was smiling all the way through reading this post.

pepe M. said...

whats happend to the having tough time reading it nonetheless it made my day! hahahaaha, those bitches!

unsungpsalm said...

You were listening to us???

And how dare you call me a pet, you bitch! I'm going to the police!

No but really, awesome one :) :)

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

kris: thanks, i didn't know you moonlighted as a minister too :P ..

rebel: i hope it's better now :P .

senor homohump: experimenting .. that word has such good memories for me :P ...

dk: thanks, dk .. hehe .. i don't think you're alone when you think that ...

d: not mine exactly, my family's ... i don't like pets, remember??

neha: Imagined?? It actually happened. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Who knows ], really? And yes, I do have lots of time on my hands. Does that show?

prash: hehe .. thanks ... :)

pepe: hehe ... thanks ... those bitches are crazy, man !!

usp: eh, i wouldn't mention the whole gay thing to the police, there are laws against it, y'know ...

So is it me or I get the feeling none of you like the template? :P . Ok, ok, bad jokes aside, I'll fix it soon. As soon as I find another template I like ... ummm ..yeah.