The world is going to the dogs
4:11 AM | Author: Rambunctious WhipperSnapper
So I was half asleep, lying on my bed, out of sheer exhaustion, having been working the whole day. And then ...

Fine. I know you folks wouldn't believe me anyway. So let me rephrase that.

So I was lying on my couch, almost passed out from having had a little extra to drink than usual, when suddenly I found myself privy to some strange conversation.

I have always suspected that animals speak to each other and just pretend to be dumb in front of us. Yesterday, I got proof. I heard my family's pets talking amongst themselves. Coincidentally, it was about me.

So let's call these pets M, D and S.

Here's whatever part of their conversation I could remember:

M: So he's passed out again on the couch.
D: I'm getting sick of this shit, ya know. This guy has no life.
D: I mean, I'm not trying to judge here, but get a job, buddy.
S: I know!! He just lies around all day doing nothing. What a bum.
M: What are you guys talkin about? Don't you see him typing away on his notebook most of the time?
D: He's probabaly seing some porn again. What a fuckerhead.
D: That's the good thing about being a dog. You don't need porn. You're always naked.
M: You're such a dweeb, you know.
S: Shut up both of you, you'll wake him up.
D: Oh, don't worry. He's not going to wake up for another few hours.
D: Even a bazooka wont be able to wake him up right now.
M: That was funny, *giggle*
D: I'm funny like that, sometimes.
S: Oh, shut the fuck up asshole. I already hear him say that the whole day long.
S: Now you don't start. If I hear it one more time, someone's going to need a rabies injection.
M: I know. He thinks it's funny. Someone needs to tell him that it's the best seller at the lame-o-rama.
M: Lamer than his joke about calling us "Sons-of-Bitches" the whole day long.
M: I mean, for the love of the big woof in the sky, get a new joke. It's been two years, jackass.
D: Oh, he thinks he has a sense of humour.
S: Well, I don't know where he gets such weird ideas from.
S: And he's really been unstopable the last few weeks.
S: Someone's been giving him the wrong idea that he's funny.
M: You know, sometimes, when I hear him talk, I want to kill myself, just to feel a little better.
M: I agree. It's just not worth it.
D: You guys, you should start meditating.
M: Where do you get such weird ideas from?
D: Well, I was hungry and got one of his books to eat, but it was this new age spiritual book and it got interesting.
D: I now know three types of meditation. Yay for me.
D: And, I started my second bok already. I'm currently half-way through something called The Secret.
S: What's it about?
D: It's about positive thinking and shit like that.
D: You need to tell the universe what you exactly want and it ends up giving it to you.
M: Like a drive-in McDonalds?
D: No, not exactly.
S: Then?
D: Well, it's complicated. Too deep for your primitive minds.
M: Who died and made you a neo-guru, huh?
D: You know M, you can be such a bitch sometimes. Bow.
M: Yeah, like totally.
S: You dogs are crazy, you know that.
S: You're stealing and eating too many of his "special cakes".
S: I think you're getting delerious.
M: Oh, man, fuck, those cakes are delicious. They take me to a place I never even new existed.
M: Like a higher ground or something.
D: Forget that. I was talking to you about catharsis.
D: Whenever you get angry at him, just go and pee on his car.
D: He hates that.
D: And I love it when he gets a panic attack everytime I leave my man-juice on his car tires. The expression on his face when he discovers that is priceless.
D: It just makes all his bad one-liners worth listening to.
M: D, stop licking you own balls. You should know how to behave in front of a lady.
S: Like you're a lady. Ha!
M: Well, I'll have you know, that I pee sitting down. Hmph.
S: Oh yeah, that's the most important thing for a lady. You're right. My bad.
D: I'm hungry. I need some chow.
M: Well, I think he got a new batch of his special cakes made today. It's on the table in his room.
S: Let's go.
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10 Voices heard in WhipperSnapperville:

On August 25, 2008 at 6:07 AM , Kris Bass said...

Hahahhha!

LOL!

LOTFL!

LMFAO!

WOwowoww!

I can't control my excitement!

Rambws: I declare you and your blog, funniest blogger and funniest blog! You may now kiss your blog!

 
On August 25, 2008 at 6:33 AM , A rebel all the way... said...

why can't i see your blog properly? dont know whether the problem is at my end or urs...i see 'upgrade to pro' printed everywhere and the formatting has gone for a toss n stuff...

 
On August 25, 2008 at 5:08 PM , closetalk said...

ummmm.... okkkkkkkkkkk.....!


PS: experimenting with blog design?

 
On August 25, 2008 at 10:28 PM , bloggingknight said...

hahaha you made my day Ramby... tht's so funny :P

btw, what's up with the layout? I find it's hard to read your posts because of color. Or is it only me who feels tht way :)

 
On August 25, 2008 at 11:39 PM , D said...

Funny! Are you sure those were your pets :P

And the template, Ramby, wil make me blinder than I am!

 
On August 26, 2008 at 1:56 AM , Neha said...

hahahhaha

Hilarious Rambo!! Gosh, u REALLY seem to have a lot of time on ur hands to imagine ur pets having a conversation :P! Well, i'm not complaining...U made me wake up with laughter!

PS: Blog design is a bit funny, in an unfunny way :p! Whats up with that?

 
On August 26, 2008 at 2:20 AM , Prash said...

So funny ! I was smiling all the way through reading this post.

 
On August 26, 2008 at 3:17 AM , pepe M. said...

whats happend to the template...am having tough time reading it nonetheless it made my day! hahahaaha, those bitches!

 
On August 26, 2008 at 10:37 AM , unsungpsalm said...

Whathafuckin!!!
You were listening to us???

And how dare you call me a pet, you bitch! I'm going to the police!







No but really, awesome one :) :)

 
On August 26, 2008 at 2:04 PM , Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

kris: thanks, i didn't know you moonlighted as a minister too :P ..

rebel: i hope it's better now :P .

senor homohump: experimenting .. that word has such good memories for me :P ...

dk: thanks, dk .. hehe .. i don't think you're alone when you think that ...

d: not mine exactly, my family's ... i don't like pets, remember??

neha: Imagined?? It actually happened. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Who knows ], really? And yes, I do have lots of time on my hands. Does that show?

prash: hehe .. thanks ... :)

pepe: hehe ... thanks ... those bitches are crazy, man !!

usp: eh, i wouldn't mention the whole gay thing to the police, there are laws against it, y'know ...


So is it me or I get the feeling none of you like the template? :P . Ok, ok, bad jokes aside, I'll fix it soon. As soon as I find another template I like ... ummm ..yeah.