Hey Mother Nature,
S'up? Contrary to the human race's best efforts, I hope you are doin great.
So Mother Naitch (can I call you that?), dude, I know you don't usually answer wishes and stuff cause only a few lesbians living on the west coast beleive in you, but I was hoping you'd grant me a few wishes. And please, DON'T forward this to God. I know you are like his committee chairperson for planet earth, but I already tried reaching him. But that guy is more difficult to reach than Tony Soprano. I'm tellin ya. I tried to mail him, but he never replies. I think my mail keeps going to his junk mail folder. When I tried to go through one of his offices here on earth, the managers there keep handing me a book to read. Seriously, those books are so not going to be on the New York Times best seller lists. I don't think God can be such a bad writer. Those books appear to be written by some Sidney Sheldon-Jackie Collins wannabe crack whore on LSD. Seriously. And then half of the people in those offices condemn me to hell. Tell me, are there any gay people in hell? I imagine hell to be some sardonic, hedonistic place full of rambunctious debaunchers like me. Fun place, no?
Another thing is that God doesn't even have a phone. I mean the master of the universe is at least expected to have a 1-800 number. Even Geico has one, for cryin out loud. What does he do with the money that his offices collect as revenue? Not trying to be rude but I think God needs to get audited.
Anyhoo, back to me. I just wanted you to be a good girl and do some those miracles people talk about. Can you like, eliminate all the fat in my body, give me an eight pack and a fab ass? Plus I'd also like to wake up next to a combination of some or all of the people mentioned in the attachment names.doc (after having done you-know-what). The reason that I'm asking you for the miracle is that to accomplish these things in real life, one needs to actually get up from one's ass and do something about it. Since one simply refuses to move one's ass, one is requesting you for a miracle as a last resort.
I know this is a tough one, but if you think about it, really not my fault. It's either your fault or God's fault. You guys can have a meeting to decide who to blame. My vote is to the guy who administers the office up there. You guys are worse run then enron.
See, what happened was that you put me on a planet where Gay people were, until a few decades ago, stoned/killed/married to Liza Minelli or something.(Cause these people God appointed to oversee his offices on earth, were like sanctimonious sons-of-bitches). So I was like really fucked up for most of my teenage years. And more so when I legally became an adult (I say legally cause mentally I'm still 15). So this whole "Gay" thing was like delayed. So know, we need to accomplish those things in a short span of time. And, dude, we can't seem to wait that long. And don't try to ignore this mail. Otherwise I know this Nigerian guy who has your bank account number. And if ya help me, I promise to recycle a lot of stuff (specially corny jokes & one-liners). And I'm not threatening you or anything, but I can arrange to have Al Gore cloned. Think about it. That's all I'm asking.
Have Fun,
Lotsa Love,
Rambunctious WhipperSnapper
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
I'm still not tapping out ... at least not yet anyway
* The God running the earth electronics department does not like me anymore. First my cellphone conks off. Then I learn that 'conked off' is written with a c [fine that is not about electronics per se, however spell check told me, the bitch is technology, no? and it has to be female, right?] and the other phone which WAS working fine till yesterday suddenly gives up on me. And my internet connection keeps losing it's connectivity to the server and the darn computer keeps beeping and my landline phone got broken 'accidentally'. Except there are no accidents. The electronic God and his minions on earth have decided that they somehow don't like me and that I have bad electronic karma. And I once almost took up technology as a career. *Feels Smug that didn't take up technology as a career*.
* My friends have got to stop calling me for advice on relationships. I mean dude, have you heard me talk about any girlfriend for the past two years? Have I even said the word 'boobs' in a non-medical sense or in a non-nonchalant way? And right now, when I think about it, they also haven't noticed that I am gay. Some people can be so self-involved [of course, bloggers are NOT self involved]. And how come my advice actually helps them? All I do is give some rehashed advice I read in a Paul Coelho or Robin Sharma [A few months ago, I thought he was good. What can I say, I was not myself. Not anymore though. So stop judging, okay?] book. Sheesh, just like in a cheesy romantic comedy its always the fat friend who comes to the rescue.
* One of the books I ordered last month, which I was told would be delivered within seven days, is still not here. And I received an email yesterday that I can expect the book to be speedily dispatched [their words not mine] by 25th May and I can expect to receive the book in the first week of June. I wrote back to them saying that even though my sucks I still know that by no possible logic 7 days can be equal to 60 days. (Even if you are watching the darn Harison Ford movie by the same name). No reply back. Dude, I can practically walk to your frigin warehouse and then walk back home with time to spare to have 3 kids before you deliver that book. Even the Earth was created faster.
* I just don't get the stuff I used to when I was younger [Gawd!! I'm already using this line. Now I'm scared]. I mean I was a big fan of Ally McBeal. And now, when I see it, I'm like .... Meh. And I don't even like the same books. Or the same alcohol. Another example Iis that when I was a kid, I was a big passionate fan of wrestling. And now, I couldn't be bothered. I don't even watch much TV anymore. Not that there is much on. I can just sit and watch Brothers & Sisters, I looove Boston Legal and of course, Entourage. And a few episodes of Keeping Up Appearances here and there. And I keep you tubin my favorite stand up comics.And sometimes a bit of Scrubs isn't bad. And on a slow day I can watch How I met your mother and Two and a Half Men. [Talk about not watching much TV. I'm so full of it sometimes. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is my John Kerry moment].
* Looks like David Archuleta has all but wrapped up the Idol crown. No, I did not watch it. Not after I made such a hue and cry about it here. I just happened to bump into some news stories about Idol on google. I usually don't go back on my word unless it involves money or sex. Or both.
* Do not read The Japanese Wife. The book is just drab. It's like Lord of the Rings to the power of 1500. And I never dis books. That's like a cardinal sin in my book [horrendous pun not intended]. Unless the book sucks. Wow. Now I'm doing Mitt Romneyesque contradictions. And I don't even like republicans.
* I just realised a few minutes ago that when I was a kid, I had a crush on Joe Hardy from the Hardy Boys books!! Of course, not anymore. That would be creepy. :P :P
* Why is 4 Minutes so catchy? I can't get the frikin song out of my head! And I had just begun to forgive myself for liking Sexy Back!!
So this has been my life for the past few days. What have you guys been upto? And that is not a rhetorical question.
* My friends have got to stop calling me for advice on relationships. I mean dude, have you heard me talk about any girlfriend for the past two years? Have I even said the word 'boobs' in a non-medical sense or in a non-nonchalant way? And right now, when I think about it, they also haven't noticed that I am gay. Some people can be so self-involved [of course, bloggers are NOT self involved]. And how come my advice actually helps them? All I do is give some rehashed advice I read in a Paul Coelho or Robin Sharma [A few months ago, I thought he was good. What can I say, I was not myself. Not anymore though. So stop judging, okay?] book. Sheesh, just like in a cheesy romantic comedy its always the fat friend who comes to the rescue.
* One of the books I ordered last month, which I was told would be delivered within seven days, is still not here. And I received an email yesterday that I can expect the book to be speedily dispatched [their words not mine] by 25th May and I can expect to receive the book in the first week of June. I wrote back to them saying that even though my sucks I still know that by no possible logic 7 days can be equal to 60 days. (Even if you are watching the darn Harison Ford movie by the same name). No reply back. Dude, I can practically walk to your frigin warehouse and then walk back home with time to spare to have 3 kids before you deliver that book. Even the Earth was created faster.
* I just don't get the stuff I used to when I was younger [Gawd!! I'm already using this line. Now I'm scared]. I mean I was a big fan of Ally McBeal. And now, when I see it, I'm like .... Meh. And I don't even like the same books. Or the same alcohol. Another example Iis that when I was a kid, I was a big passionate fan of wrestling. And now, I couldn't be bothered. I don't even watch much TV anymore. Not that there is much on. I can just sit and watch Brothers & Sisters, I looove Boston Legal and of course, Entourage. And a few episodes of Keeping Up Appearances here and there. And I keep you tubin my favorite stand up comics.And sometimes a bit of Scrubs isn't bad. And on a slow day I can watch How I met your mother and Two and a Half Men. [Talk about not watching much TV. I'm so full of it sometimes. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is my John Kerry moment].
* Looks like David Archuleta has all but wrapped up the Idol crown. No, I did not watch it. Not after I made such a hue and cry about it here. I just happened to bump into some news stories about Idol on google. I usually don't go back on my word unless it involves money or sex. Or both.
* Do not read The Japanese Wife. The book is just drab. It's like Lord of the Rings to the power of 1500. And I never dis books. That's like a cardinal sin in my book [horrendous pun not intended]. Unless the book sucks. Wow. Now I'm doing Mitt Romneyesque contradictions. And I don't even like republicans.
* I just realised a few minutes ago that when I was a kid, I had a crush on Joe Hardy from the Hardy Boys books!! Of course, not anymore. That would be creepy. :P :P
* Why is 4 Minutes so catchy? I can't get the frikin song out of my head! And I had just begun to forgive myself for liking Sexy Back!!
So this has been my life for the past few days. What have you guys been upto? And that is not a rhetorical question.
Labels:
books,
Random Stuff,
television
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Heads and Tales
We're feeling random and superficial and frivolous today.
****
Gather around children, while we tell you a little story. About a young boy. About a young, handsome boy who loved good high end phones. So one day two years ago, on his birthday, on a whim, he gifted himself a Nokia communicator. He was happy with his equipment. It was big after all. I mean the phone children. Don't exercise your dirty minds. So a year after that suddenly his phone stopped working that day. Since it was around his birthday again, he dropped hints to his family for a new Nokia N** he liked. And by dropping hints I mean the boy drove them crazy until they got him one to shut him up. Then yesterday, the handsome boy's less than a year old phone conked off leaving him to use his trusty communicator again [which mysteriously started working fine the day after the new phone was purchased]. And now, the boy reminds himself that someone's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. So the boy puts hand under chin and begins to think.
******
We have somehow arrived at the conclusion that we are still in our teens. Though, chronologically we may be 20-something, however, seeing that we still haven't had our first gay date yet, we declare that we are still in our teens. Just outside of gay puberty. Doesn't make any sense but it makes us feel better. So if we can delude ourselves to feel happy without the aid of any external substance then why shouldn't we. We shall calculate my exact teenage age [see what I did there; thou even I don't get it ] at a more appropriate time and reveal it in a more structured and less precious-brain-cells-depleting post.
*****
We are totally having a lame day. Writing lame stuff and writing lame comments on other blogs. Or maybe we just are lame. [subliminal message: we are kind of fishing here].
****
So we were over at Chandni's blog, and she did this great 55 fiction story. For those of you who as unfamiliar about 55 fiction as we are, it's basically a story within 55 or less words. And since we love to bore you with our stories, we thought we'll attempt to come up with something: --------------------
He couldn’t believe it. After years and years of waiting, he finally met the person he used to see in his dreams.
He couldn’t believe that he was there sitting right next to him.
Although he was shocked to know that God sucked at playing Guitar Hero.
-----------------
Okay. Okay. I said that we are having a lame day. We will find another day job. Don't quit on us. We may get better. Sigh. Fine. We'll go then.
****
Gather around children, while we tell you a little story. About a young boy. About a young, handsome boy who loved good high end phones. So one day two years ago, on his birthday, on a whim, he gifted himself a Nokia communicator. He was happy with his equipment. It was big after all. I mean the phone children. Don't exercise your dirty minds. So a year after that suddenly his phone stopped working that day. Since it was around his birthday again, he dropped hints to his family for a new Nokia N** he liked. And by dropping hints I mean the boy drove them crazy until they got him one to shut him up. Then yesterday, the handsome boy's less than a year old phone conked off leaving him to use his trusty communicator again [which mysteriously started working fine the day after the new phone was purchased]. And now, the boy reminds himself that someone's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. So the boy puts hand under chin and begins to think.
******
We have somehow arrived at the conclusion that we are still in our teens. Though, chronologically we may be 20-something, however, seeing that we still haven't had our first gay date yet, we declare that we are still in our teens. Just outside of gay puberty. Doesn't make any sense but it makes us feel better. So if we can delude ourselves to feel happy without the aid of any external substance then why shouldn't we. We shall calculate my exact teenage age [see what I did there; thou even I don't get it ] at a more appropriate time and reveal it in a more structured and less precious-brain-cells-depleting post.
*****
We are totally having a lame day. Writing lame stuff and writing lame comments on other blogs. Or maybe we just are lame. [subliminal message: we are kind of fishing here].
****
So we were over at Chandni's blog, and she did this great 55 fiction story. For those of you who as unfamiliar about 55 fiction as we are, it's basically a story within 55 or less words. And since we love to bore you with our stories, we thought we'll attempt to come up with something: --------------------
He couldn’t believe it. After years and years of waiting, he finally met the person he used to see in his dreams.
He couldn’t believe that he was there sitting right next to him.
Although he was shocked to know that God sucked at playing Guitar Hero.
-----------------
Okay. Okay. I said that we are having a lame day. We will find another day job. Don't quit on us. We may get better. Sigh. Fine. We'll go then.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Collector's Edition: Last Ryan Post
So I haven't had any communication with Ryan for almost two months now. I didn't crumble under all that pressure. No email, text, or ping. Nothing.
He leaves today for his Uni. How do I know? Well, I read the conversation he had with one of his friends in the social-networking-website. I know what your thinking, so no, I'm not stalking anyone. Well, not anymore anyway.
When I was reading the messages he had exchanged with his friend, I kind of felt strange. It was like reading a conversation between two strangers. Or someone from another life. And then somewhere in my mind I heard Christina Applegate go "This Guy???" [mandatory FRIENDS reference]. It seemed like I didn't even know him. It seemed as if I had created a version of him in my mind and I fell for that. I just don't know.
I thought when this day would come I would be heartbroken and sad. Surprisingly I am neither.
In fact, I am simply amazed at how calm and collected I am. Though I do have this trickle of emptiness somewhere in my heart.
Do I still love him? Well, not anymore I think. I still have some feelings for him buried somewhere in my heart but I don't think I love him anymore. I think subconsciously I've come to accept that him and me are never going to happen. Can we ever stop loving someone? I don't know.
However, it doesn't mean that what I felt for him wasn't true. It was. The pain, the emotional turmoil, it was all true. I lived it for more than three years.
I also believe that people enter our lives to teach us a lesson or to help us move along in our journey and that once we learn that lesson they exit our life. So for that I am thankful to Ryan. Because of the feelings I had for him are what ultimately led me to confront myself a few months ago, and be able to find the strength to be my true self. So his leaving the city is kind of symbolic too.
Am I crazy or am I just reading too many self-help books?? :P
The funny thing is he has no fucking idea!! To him I'm still the good friend turned casual acquittance.
Am I ready for my first gay relationship? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know.
All I know that whatever this is, I can now try to move on with my life. [look at me, I'm growing up!!] To the next exciting/mildly boring chapter. Or in the immortal words of Joey Tribiani It's time to pick up a spoon [I really to stop referencing lines from FRIENDS. It's like a disease or something].
So hopefully, as the title specifies, this is my last post about Ryan. And, for the sake of sanity, finally I can bring myself to say:
Goodbye Ryan, Have a nice life!! Thanks for the memories. We will always have that plate of Maggie Noodles.
He leaves today for his Uni. How do I know? Well, I read the conversation he had with one of his friends in the social-networking-website. I know what your thinking, so no, I'm not stalking anyone. Well, not anymore anyway.
When I was reading the messages he had exchanged with his friend, I kind of felt strange. It was like reading a conversation between two strangers. Or someone from another life. And then somewhere in my mind I heard Christina Applegate go "This Guy???" [mandatory FRIENDS reference]. It seemed like I didn't even know him. It seemed as if I had created a version of him in my mind and I fell for that. I just don't know.
I thought when this day would come I would be heartbroken and sad. Surprisingly I am neither.
In fact, I am simply amazed at how calm and collected I am. Though I do have this trickle of emptiness somewhere in my heart.
Do I still love him? Well, not anymore I think. I still have some feelings for him buried somewhere in my heart but I don't think I love him anymore. I think subconsciously I've come to accept that him and me are never going to happen. Can we ever stop loving someone? I don't know.
However, it doesn't mean that what I felt for him wasn't true. It was. The pain, the emotional turmoil, it was all true. I lived it for more than three years.
I also believe that people enter our lives to teach us a lesson or to help us move along in our journey and that once we learn that lesson they exit our life. So for that I am thankful to Ryan. Because of the feelings I had for him are what ultimately led me to confront myself a few months ago, and be able to find the strength to be my true self. So his leaving the city is kind of symbolic too.
Am I crazy or am I just reading too many self-help books?? :P
The funny thing is he has no fucking idea!! To him I'm still the good friend turned casual acquittance.
Am I ready for my first gay relationship? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know.
All I know that whatever this is, I can now try to move on with my life. [look at me, I'm growing up!!] To the next exciting/mildly boring chapter. Or in the immortal words of Joey Tribiani It's time to pick up a spoon [I really to stop referencing lines from FRIENDS. It's like a disease or something].
So hopefully, as the title specifies, this is my last post about Ryan. And, for the sake of sanity, finally I can bring myself to say:
Goodbye Ryan, Have a nice life!! Thanks for the memories. We will always have that plate of Maggie Noodles.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Tag ....
We've been tagged ........ by Chandni.
We took our time, because we take time to think and we finally compiled the list.
Rules of the tag: Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song ( or a couple) that aptly describe those situations in YOUR life.
Opening credits: Superstar - Lupe Fiasco / Touch the sky - Kanye West
Waking up: Wake up Call - Maroon 5 / Let's get it started - Black Eyed Peas
Average day: Rollin - Limp Bizkit / Rehab - Amy Winehouse
First date: Smooth - Santana & Rob Thomas / Pimp Juice - Nelly / The Reason - Hoobastank
Falling in love: Hey there Delilah - Plain White T's / Somethin Stupid - Frank Sinatra / How Bizzare - OMC / Ayo Technology - 50 Cent
Love scene: Don't stop the music - Rihana/ Let's get blown - Snoop Dogg & Pharrel / Deep Inside of you - Third Eye Blind
Fight scene: The Game - Motorhead / One Blood - The Game [different people]
Breaking up: Your Fault - Plain White T's / Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse / We used to be Friends - The Danny Warhols / Right now - Carrie Underwood / Over You - Chris Daughtry
Getting back together: My Way - Limp Bizkit / Like you'll never see me again - Alicia Keys
Secret love: In the closet - Micheal Jackson / Tattoo - Jordin Sparks / Broken - Chris Daughtry
Life's okay: That's the way I Like It - KC & the Sunshine Band / Hotel California - Eagles
Mental breakdown: In the End - Linkin Park / Crawling - Hoobastank
Driving: California - Phantom Planet (on an empty highway) / Fuck off and Die - Green Day (in city traffic)
Learning a lesson: I Don't wanna be - Gavin DeGraw / Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park / We are the champions - Queen / All Right Now- Free
Deep thought: Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve / Chase this light - Jimmy Eat World / Voodoo Child - Jimi Hendrix
Flashback: Thank You - Dido / Sing for the moment - Eminem & Aerosmith
Partying: Low - Flo Rida / Give it to Me - Nelly Furtado & Timberlake & Timbaland
Happy dance: Weapon of Choice - Fat Boy Slim / Blame it on the boogie - Jackson Five and the version by Jay Kid
Regretting: What I've done - Linkin Park / Running Away - Hoobastank
Long night alone: Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day / How to save a life - The Fray
Death scene: King of Kings - Motorhead
Closing credits: Theme from Don (2006) redone by Linkin Park (I'll get that song commissioned some day :D) / Someday - Flypside
And I tag:
Sam
Pepe
Hish
Rebel
Orange
Have fun kids!! :D
We took our time, because we take time to think and we finally compiled the list.
Rules of the tag: Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song ( or a couple) that aptly describe those situations in YOUR life.
Opening credits: Superstar - Lupe Fiasco / Touch the sky - Kanye West
Waking up: Wake up Call - Maroon 5 / Let's get it started - Black Eyed Peas
Average day: Rollin - Limp Bizkit / Rehab - Amy Winehouse
First date: Smooth - Santana & Rob Thomas / Pimp Juice - Nelly / The Reason - Hoobastank
Falling in love: Hey there Delilah - Plain White T's / Somethin Stupid - Frank Sinatra / How Bizzare - OMC / Ayo Technology - 50 Cent
Love scene: Don't stop the music - Rihana/ Let's get blown - Snoop Dogg & Pharrel / Deep Inside of you - Third Eye Blind
Fight scene: The Game - Motorhead / One Blood - The Game [different people]
Breaking up: Your Fault - Plain White T's / Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse / We used to be Friends - The Danny Warhols / Right now - Carrie Underwood / Over You - Chris Daughtry
Getting back together: My Way - Limp Bizkit / Like you'll never see me again - Alicia Keys
Secret love: In the closet - Micheal Jackson / Tattoo - Jordin Sparks / Broken - Chris Daughtry
Life's okay: That's the way I Like It - KC & the Sunshine Band / Hotel California - Eagles
Mental breakdown: In the End - Linkin Park / Crawling - Hoobastank
Driving: California - Phantom Planet (on an empty highway) / Fuck off and Die - Green Day (in city traffic)
Learning a lesson: I Don't wanna be - Gavin DeGraw / Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park / We are the champions - Queen / All Right Now- Free
Deep thought: Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve / Chase this light - Jimmy Eat World / Voodoo Child - Jimi Hendrix
Flashback: Thank You - Dido / Sing for the moment - Eminem & Aerosmith
Partying: Low - Flo Rida / Give it to Me - Nelly Furtado & Timberlake & Timbaland
Happy dance: Weapon of Choice - Fat Boy Slim / Blame it on the boogie - Jackson Five and the version by Jay Kid
Regretting: What I've done - Linkin Park / Running Away - Hoobastank
Long night alone: Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day / How to save a life - The Fray
Death scene: King of Kings - Motorhead
Closing credits: Theme from Don (2006) redone by Linkin Park (I'll get that song commissioned some day :D) / Someday - Flypside
And I tag:
Sam
Pepe
Hish
Rebel
Orange
Have fun kids!! :D
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The second coming . . . . out
We thought it would be a normal boring Saturday. We had a real fun evening planned. We had ordered Chinese take out and planned to read Side Effect by Woody Allen. Then, John, our friend from school, called to see if we can meet for dinner. So we canceled our other plans and decided to meet John. And we decided that we would be telling John today.
While getting ready, to distract ourselves, we mused:
- Which cologne in appropriate for coming out?
- Does my hair look good enough for coming out? Who am I kidding, my hair always looks good. Period.
- Gawd!! This is going to sound so stupid when I blog about it. People are going to throw crap at the screen.
So this is a late dinner, we decide to go to a place near my house. We decided that he's going to come to pick me up cause I really am in no mood to drive. So, he is outside my house on time, and I for once, am ready on time too. So when I go towards his car he's talking on the phone. At this time, I'm about to throw up. I'm real nervous. I'm more nervous than Elliot Spitzer in a one-on-one session with the pope. Anyways, we reach the place, and I say let's walk. So we walk a little and I'm still very queasy. He says he's hungry so we go in. I didn't wanna say anything in a crowded restaurant. I only use that to fire people, not come out to them. So, we order drinks and I'm thinking maybe a few screwdrivers will calm my nerves. Well, I'm half right. But I'm still so nervous that I even forget that we have not ordered the main course yet and ask for the cheque right after the drinks and the hors d'oeuvres. John reminds me that we have not had dinner yet. So I say something stupid which both of us pretend is funny and order the main course. Anyways, I don't have much of an appetite. However, John doesn't notice that. (Well, I am a good actor, thank you very much). So during dinner, the topic of marriage comes up. My inner voice tells me to tell him there and then but I just can't bring myself to tell him. I again say something stupid and both of us pretend that it is mysterious. So we planned to go for coffee after our meal, but he says that he's tired and wants to go home. Well I don't wanna consume anything at that point of time anyway, not even coffee (doing this under normal circumstances would be a cardinal sin in my book as we all know). So when he stops the car outside my house, I tell him.
Even though he is visibly under shock at this moment, he does manage to say the right things. I did expect him to come through for me. He doesn't understand it, but he is supportive. It's going to take him time to digest it. I'll let him take his time. However, I'm glad I told him. If I wouldn't have been able to tell him, then how could I tell the rest of the world. Though I'm not planning to tell anybody else yet. Well not until I get the gut feeling again.
He did say some disturbing stuff also (which I've yada yada'ed over) which I will ignore because I think it was the shock speaking.
He also asked me that guys can't have sex with each other. I told him there are ways. He was like ... how? I said it's better I don't tell you the details ... just be happy with the knowledge that there is a way.
So here it is, I told my best friend. It was different this time because while my Mom hadn't asked me many questions, John wanted to know if I was sure or not. He really did ask me a looooot of questions.
In the end, I know even if he doesn't agree with me, he does support me. And that's all I need, right?
While getting ready, to distract ourselves, we mused:
- Which cologne in appropriate for coming out?
- Does my hair look good enough for coming out? Who am I kidding, my hair always looks good. Period.
- Gawd!! This is going to sound so stupid when I blog about it. People are going to throw crap at the screen.
So this is a late dinner, we decide to go to a place near my house. We decided that he's going to come to pick me up cause I really am in no mood to drive. So, he is outside my house on time, and I for once, am ready on time too. So when I go towards his car he's talking on the phone. At this time, I'm about to throw up. I'm real nervous. I'm more nervous than Elliot Spitzer in a one-on-one session with the pope. Anyways, we reach the place, and I say let's walk. So we walk a little and I'm still very queasy. He says he's hungry so we go in. I didn't wanna say anything in a crowded restaurant. I only use that to fire people, not come out to them. So, we order drinks and I'm thinking maybe a few screwdrivers will calm my nerves. Well, I'm half right. But I'm still so nervous that I even forget that we have not ordered the main course yet and ask for the cheque right after the drinks and the hors d'oeuvres. John reminds me that we have not had dinner yet. So I say something stupid which both of us pretend is funny and order the main course. Anyways, I don't have much of an appetite. However, John doesn't notice that. (Well, I am a good actor, thank you very much). So during dinner, the topic of marriage comes up. My inner voice tells me to tell him there and then but I just can't bring myself to tell him. I again say something stupid and both of us pretend that it is mysterious. So we planned to go for coffee after our meal, but he says that he's tired and wants to go home. Well I don't wanna consume anything at that point of time anyway, not even coffee (doing this under normal circumstances would be a cardinal sin in my book as we all know). So when he stops the car outside my house, I tell him.
Me: Dude, I got something to say man
John: Hurry up dude, I'm tired
Me: Well ... ... ... long pause ..... ahem ... longer pause ....
John: What's the matter dude .....
Me: Well, I'm .. errr.. umm .... not straight
John: Fuck off .... I'm in no mood for your stupid jokes ... leeme go home .....
Me: I'm serious, asshole
John: What do you mean?
Me: I don't like girls.
John: As in?
Me: As in I'm not attracted to them ......
John(in a state of shock, not tired anymore.....not even drunk): You don't like to sleep with girls ....
Me: Nope. Not a fan.
John: What do you mean .... Do you like to sleep with guys ?
Me: Well ..... errr... ahem ... I want to .....
John: So there is somebody who you like ....
Me: Nope....
John: There has to be somebody, are you telling me or not ....
Me: (Shrug, rolling eyes)
John: What's the person's name ........ ?
Me: There is (tell him about Ryan)
John: So you've done anything with this guy?
Me: Nope .... He's straight ... I haven't even told him ..... nor do I intend to
John: IF THIS IS ONE OF YOUR JOKES .......
Me: No this isn't
John: How long have you known?
Me: A long time ........
John: But your are straight ....
Me: No bro ... I ain't
YADA YADA YA...
John: Dude, I don't know what I am supposed to do as a best friend,I really don't know how to react, all I can say is that nothing changes between us
Me: Thanks, Man ... That's all I need to hear .....
Me: Sorry for springing this on you ... But I had to tell you .... You're like a brother to me ..... And I couldn't have gone forward without telling you ....
John: Yeah ... I understand ..... hmmmmm
Even though he is visibly under shock at this moment, he does manage to say the right things. I did expect him to come through for me. He doesn't understand it, but he is supportive. It's going to take him time to digest it. I'll let him take his time. However, I'm glad I told him. If I wouldn't have been able to tell him, then how could I tell the rest of the world. Though I'm not planning to tell anybody else yet. Well not until I get the gut feeling again.
He did say some disturbing stuff also (which I've yada yada'ed over) which I will ignore because I think it was the shock speaking.
He also asked me that guys can't have sex with each other. I told him there are ways. He was like ... how? I said it's better I don't tell you the details ... just be happy with the knowledge that there is a way.
So here it is, I told my best friend. It was different this time because while my Mom hadn't asked me many questions, John wanted to know if I was sure or not. He really did ask me a looooot of questions.
In the end, I know even if he doesn't agree with me, he does support me. And that's all I need, right?
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