While getting ready, to distract ourselves, we mused:
- Which cologne in appropriate for coming out?
- Does my hair look good enough for coming out? Who am I kidding, my hair always looks good. Period.
- Gawd!! This is going to sound so stupid when I blog about it. People are going to throw crap at the screen.
So this is a late dinner, we decide to go to a place near my house. We decided that he's going to come to pick me up cause I really am in no mood to drive. So, he is outside my house on time, and I for once, am ready on time too. So when I go towards his car he's talking on the phone. At this time, I'm about to throw up. I'm real nervous. I'm more nervous than Elliot Spitzer in a one-on-one session with the pope. Anyways, we reach the place, and I say let's walk. So we walk a little and I'm still very queasy. He says he's hungry so we go in. I didn't wanna say anything in a crowded restaurant. I only use that to fire people, not come out to them. So, we order drinks and I'm thinking maybe a few screwdrivers will calm my nerves. Well, I'm half right. But I'm still so nervous that I even forget that we have not ordered the main course yet and ask for the cheque right after the drinks and the hors d'oeuvres. John reminds me that we have not had dinner yet. So I say something stupid which both of us pretend is funny and order the main course. Anyways, I don't have much of an appetite. However, John doesn't notice that. (Well, I am a good actor, thank you very much). So during dinner, the topic of marriage comes up. My inner voice tells me to tell him there and then but I just can't bring myself to tell him. I again say something stupid and both of us pretend that it is mysterious. So we planned to go for coffee after our meal, but he says that he's tired and wants to go home. Well I don't wanna consume anything at that point of time anyway, not even coffee (doing this under normal circumstances would be a cardinal sin in my book as we all know). So when he stops the car outside my house, I tell him.
Me: Dude, I got something to say man
John: Hurry up dude, I'm tired
Me: Well ... ... ... long pause ..... ahem ... longer pause ....
John: What's the matter dude .....
Me: Well, I'm .. errr.. umm .... not straight
John: Fuck off .... I'm in no mood for your stupid jokes ... leeme go home .....
Me: I'm serious, asshole
John: What do you mean?
Me: I don't like girls.
John: As in?
Me: As in I'm not attracted to them ......
John(in a state of shock, not tired anymore.....not even drunk): You don't like to sleep with girls ....
Me: Nope. Not a fan.
John: What do you mean .... Do you like to sleep with guys ?
Me: Well ..... errr... ahem ... I want to .....
John: So there is somebody who you like ....
Me: Nope....
John: There has to be somebody, are you telling me or not ....
Me: (Shrug, rolling eyes)
John: What's the person's name ........ ?
Me: There is (tell him about Ryan)
John: So you've done anything with this guy?
Me: Nope .... He's straight ... I haven't even told him ..... nor do I intend to
John: IF THIS IS ONE OF YOUR JOKES .......
Me: No this isn't
John: How long have you known?
Me: A long time ........
John: But your are straight ....
Me: No bro ... I ain't
YADA YADA YA...
John: Dude, I don't know what I am supposed to do as a best friend,I really don't know how to react, all I can say is that nothing changes between us
Me: Thanks, Man ... That's all I need to hear .....
Me: Sorry for springing this on you ... But I had to tell you .... You're like a brother to me ..... And I couldn't have gone forward without telling you ....
John: Yeah ... I understand ..... hmmmmm
Even though he is visibly under shock at this moment, he does manage to say the right things. I did expect him to come through for me. He doesn't understand it, but he is supportive. It's going to take him time to digest it. I'll let him take his time. However, I'm glad I told him. If I wouldn't have been able to tell him, then how could I tell the rest of the world. Though I'm not planning to tell anybody else yet. Well not until I get the gut feeling again.
He did say some disturbing stuff also (which I've yada yada'ed over) which I will ignore because I think it was the shock speaking.
He also asked me that guys can't have sex with each other. I told him there are ways. He was like ... how? I said it's better I don't tell you the details ... just be happy with the knowledge that there is a way.
So here it is, I told my best friend. It was different this time because while my Mom hadn't asked me many questions, John wanted to know if I was sure or not. He really did ask me a looooot of questions.
In the end, I know even if he doesn't agree with me, he does support me. And that's all I need, right?