The Rated R Rant
12:00 PM | Author: Rambunctious WhipperSnapper
Warning: The following blog post is not suitable for people with low tolerance quotient for the f-word and for those who have a weak heart because of language and content. Skip it if you fall in any of the above demographics. For the rest, come let's all get angry together and box a punching bag. And if you still read it and find it offensive, well, pardon my French.
------------

- People have got to enter rehab for facebook addiction. No, I don't care if you're out shopping for your wedding dress or you just broke your arm. It really would make no difference to my life if you didn't invite me to contests which ask such high-brow questions like which serial killer you think like or what your blond index is. Also, there is a reason I have not contacted you in the past five years, I fucking don't want to. Superpoke this, hithere, bitch.

- I beseech people to stop making the same old fat jokes. Aright. We're fat. We eat. Try to think of something more original, you malnutritioned moron. At least don't insult my intelligence and move your lazy ass to google for some new material. I love to laugh at myself but at least go beyond the "haha!! you will break the chair" or the classic "Do you want to supersize that? Lol." joke. I'm really not amused. The only thing that is supersized is the duration of your stay at the lame-o-rama motel. And the next guy who looks at me when the lift beeps because it is overloaded, as there are more people than it can carry, is going to have to get my shoe surgically removed from his ass.

- I really don't understand how people can talk about stuff they don't know with such authority. If you fucking don't beleive in same-sex marriage, then don't marry someone of the same sex. It's as simple as that. Elementary, my dear homophobe. Or do you want me to spell it out for you, you sanctimonious, righteous, self-loathing, miserable, unhappy, son of a bitch? It's not a fucking disease you moron. You're kids are not going to catch it.

- People have to stop getting so hyper over the iPhone. It's a bleeding phone, dammit. Were you drugged as a child? Is it really that important to you that you stand in line, without any food or water, without using any facilities, from 5 am in the morning, for more than 4 or 5 hours, and then being told that the store is out of stock? Don't you realize that the iPhone is nothing but an iWash and a real iPain in the ass? No offense meant, though.

- People from my old workplace have got to stop calling me and complaining. I mean, if you really feel that you're being screwed and not being recognized for your hard work and shit, then do what I did, RESIGN, motherfuckers. Don't keep crying like a little girl. Even if you are a "little" girl.

- People need to stop doling out free advice. Do I really care what big-loser-with-no-life-and-three-kids thinks about the virtues of marriage? Do you really beleive that I'm going to take someone who has a hairdo which was in vogue in 1925 seriously and heed his career advice? The only people whose advice I care about are the ones who can tell me to go "Do what you want and go fuck off and die" after I consistently don't listen to them and all the people who read this blog (give yourself a big hug, dear reader). Besides them, unless you're asked, please have a nice, warm, hazelnut flavored cup of shut the fuck up. For example, I don't go around telling certain people that they if they have kids it would be a crime against humanity because the kids will be born ugly and dumb and no one deserves that. At least not to their face. I write them letters on a nice piece of stationary. Common courtesy biatch.

So who do YOU want to rant against?
This entry was posted on 12:00 PM and is filed under , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

19 Voices heard in WhipperSnapperville:

On July 14, 2008 at 12:35 AM , Orange said...

Calm down sparky ;)

Facebook is retarded. I agree.

SO I see you've had that lift beeping thing happen. I suggest that you throw the skinniest guys off. One by one. You know, lighten the load on that lift.

You know sometimes I wish that the best way of curing homophobia is to have your kids catch it. I know I'm being unkind to the kids. But I think it will work.

Its amazing how it is so difficult to have people empathize with someone else's issues. That and prejudice. But its never easy to step into another's shoes. Easier to ridicule them from afar.

The iphone is cool. No I haven't sold my soul to the iphone wielding devil. Yet. I'll call you on your iphone tho and we can rant more on there :P

And as you can see, I'm a preacher. I wont agree with you on the advice doling rant. I'm guilty of it. (See how easy it is to uphold something when you indulge in it yourself.) In fact, just in this little blog comment I have doled out some unsolicited advice.

...and Oh honey, put up some pix of naked guys. Your entry will then deserve the R rating. This is just PG rated.

 
On July 14, 2008 at 1:31 AM , flygye12 said...

@knighty: show me a wordpress theme as cool as this one ! ha! comeback to blogger knightynight

 
On July 14, 2008 at 1:49 AM , pepe M. said...

i find this amusing really!oh and ikeep telling all my straight friends that i suspect their kids will be growing up gay :)

now cool down...my bf is quite bulgy too :) hehehehe...

hugs!

 
On July 14, 2008 at 1:54 AM , Swats said...

I want to rant against all those a**h**** who don’t mind their own bizness, those wimps who have never lived their own dreams so they demotivate u and those who think life is all abt getting married n hatching kids..

and those mother******* who gain sadistic pleasure by making personal remarks, who luv 2 c others in pain, who hit u whre it hurts d most..

 
On July 14, 2008 at 1:59 AM , flygye12 said...

Bulgy ???....bulgy?..BUULLLGGGYYY? ....pepe ur givin me ideas....show us his bulge !!! and Nowwww!!!!

 
On July 14, 2008 at 4:03 AM , bloggingknight said...

Something i want tell first: I agree Facebook is an idiotic addiction. I too was an idiot sometime back. But thank god, i didn't need to go rehab. I am cured now :P *Miracles happens!!*
And I might be going hyper with iphone too. I want that device so much :P
And know this: You are safe Ram. If you have told me to fuck off for giving you free advices, i wouldn't have spare you. hehe

And now what i rant about:
Those who pose much and acts like Mr/Mrs. Know-all. Come on, i too have mind!! And i too watch news and follow technology.
Those who make judgment at first sight. You can't even count my hair but read my psychology, my personality, my talents and everything. Fuck you, you know nothing.
Those who keeps making Poor jokes, though am not laughing. Your nonsense is driving my mind mad. If you continue, i might make news! DK (I liked it Ram) killed...
Those who keeps on suggesting me what to do. Am i really so dumb, and can't even decide which cartoon to watch? Grow up.

It seems, if i continue writing on what i rant about, then it would be another post within a post. So should stop right here now.

@Flygye
I agree, i won't find cool templet like this is wordpress and even if i did, i can't post for free.

And do you all guys really think i should go back to blogger?

**worried expression** Did i make mistake??

 
On July 14, 2008 at 6:52 AM , emerging said...

"Elementary, my dear homophobe." Brilliant.


Thanks so much for the comment blog. Love yours! Definitely adding it to my feed.

-T

 
On July 14, 2008 at 6:12 PM , unsungpsalm said...

*Ramby
Ssssssssss! Sizzzzling hot! You'll singe someone with your words!
Uh, make that everyone!



Yes, iPhone has many faults. Yes, Indians are a greedy and materialistic lot. They don't know what long queues to stand in. Triviality is an indulgence!

I agree with Orange. Doling out unsolicited advice is fun. I agree with you. Receiving it is not.
So you may go ahead and crib about it, but the other guy sure is enjoying giving it out to you!

*BloggingKnight
You made the wrong decision :)

 
On July 14, 2008 at 6:20 PM , flygye12 said...

@knighty knight! i want to subscribe to a particular post by psalm (the one where he is scared of the hottie competition), but there is no box to tick on so that updates are sent to my gmail automatically.....now tht u are a citizen of that planet, can u help me out please ;-)

and seriously psalm, u too!

 
On July 15, 2008 at 2:06 AM , lemonade said...

OMG! I loved that post! Seriously..writing blog posts does not get any better than that! Loved the facebook and the fat bits...
And of course u can blog roll me..I know, there'll be a new addition in my google reader! :)

 
On July 15, 2008 at 3:35 AM , unsungpsalm said...

@flygye
I have no idea!
I don't always find that option in Blogger Blogs either.

Do you have Google Reader? To subscribe to Comments on wordpress blogs, just add [post-link]/feed/ to the Google Reader subscription form. You can also subscribe to Blog updates using it. It's fabulous, really!

 
On July 15, 2008 at 3:40 AM , unsungpsalm said...

You can also subscribe to all comments from a blog by typing [blog-address]/comments/feed to Google Reader..

 
On July 15, 2008 at 3:47 AM , flygye12 said...

okay i did something, i added a subscribe to thing....just check that out if it works (below the blogroll)....and yeah i clicked the post using open id and the click for follow up comments goes away

 
On July 15, 2008 at 3:48 AM , flygye12 said...

we so hijack each other's thread and go off topic!!! i love it :)

 
On July 15, 2008 at 4:17 AM , Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

yeah .. i like that all of us have become "fraaands" ...

i'd like to take credit for all this camaraderie ...

 
On July 15, 2008 at 5:27 AM , Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

orange: nah .. i wudn't wush gay-ism on kids of homophobic parents .. it'll wreck hell with their lives ..... spl if they are ugly .. which usually they will be .. :P ...

Oh No, i DON'T have the iPhone ... I prefer the much, much better Nokia N95 .... though i knw apple is the gayest company ever ... hehe

and u accusing us of being PG 13?? *horrified*

pepe: U shud learn to act ur age ... ok .. just messing with ya buddy ... :P
... i saw ur bf's pics .. he's not at all bulgy ... and everyone can't be as athletic as you peps ... hugs ...

swats: atta girl ....

dk: gud to c u got cured of the facebook addiction .... and yes you made a big mistake by going to wordpress .. the Google God will come down on you with his full wrath ... :P :P ....

t: .. and i thought no one wud catch that. i loved that line too .. hehe .... thanks ... gonna blogroll you ... cheers ...

unsung: i didn't just mean it in the Indian context .. Indians will line up for everything!! hehe ... And I hand out doles of free advice ... and im always sizzling .. :P ... hehe .. i made funny ...

flygye: i knw .. wordpress is just so yesterday ...

lemonade: thank you ... hehe ...

 
On July 15, 2008 at 6:29 AM , Orange said...

Boy (Master-Slave kinda way) I don't know about you but its perfectly legal to use the F word when youre in 8th grade. That don't make it R rated.

:P

 
On July 15, 2008 at 11:06 PM , closetalk said...

aaaaaa.........

cathartic, na? :)

 
On July 16, 2008 at 5:41 AM , Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

orange: well i started using the f word in 2 or 3rd grade. In fact, legend has it that when I was born, I told the attending nurse who has trying to coochie coo me to "Shut the fuck up! bitch".

And you gotta agree that "Rated R Rant" sounds much better than the "PG-13 fact list".

Also, when you say master-slave, you're the slave right????

ct: very ... a load of my mind ... :P