Sunday, February 15, 2009

This post has no idea where the comments section is

So I leisurely sipping my morning coffee and trying to stop brooding so as to try to be in a good mood because I woke up early for once. Well, early as per my standards. Other people refer to it as 3 p.m. in the afternoon. Well, you say potato I say pohtato. Anyways, so the bell rings and none of the help or other members of the family are around and I suddenly have to answer it. (Don't worry. Everyone was very regretful later on. They solemnly swear not to abandon me like that again. I was still sleepy. There was so much that could have happened. What if I had hit my head somewhere and died? No one would have been there to hear and chronicle my last words. Which reminds me, I need to add a clause to my will which specifies that no body parts of mine are to be donated after I die. I don't want my eyes to see how poor people live and my liver is so drunk that it has hangovers of it's own. My heart is so tired from working that it wants to retire to the Bahamas and if they cut up and cook my stomach it could feed three small African nations for a week. As for my brain, most of it is just like my love life. Hypothetical.)

So I open the door and it's someone claiming to be the guy who checks the meter for all the water we consume. Now, I presume he's faker because as far as I know, water is a natural resource and one does not need to pay for it unless it's made by Evian and why would we have a meter for something we don't need to pay for?

As I was still in a bad mood and needed to take it out on somebody, I let him enter, made him close the gate behind him and then set my family's dogs after him. Since I am a fair person, (have I ever mentioned that?), I called the dogs back after a few minutes and let this guy him explain himself.

He simply refused to tell me the truth.

Or so I thought.

Turns out, he was telling the truth. I called and checked with my parents. We do pay for water which is not made by Evian.

Who wuda thunk it?

Also, we even have a water meter. Go figure.


So shit happens. Get over it.


After conforming the location with my parents, I took the guy to where the water meter was.

So far so good, right?

Suddenly, this guy turns to me and passes a snide remark about how "my generation" has no idea about a lot of things in the real world.

I was enraged. How dare he accuse me of not knowing how the real world works? Me??

So I lived in a house for quarter of a century and had no idea that we had a water meter. Or that we paid for our water. That does not imply that I am clueless. Not by a long shot.

I know how this world works. I watch Oprah. And once, during a school vacation, I read a back issue of Reader's Digest. What else does one need to run through life, really?

Anyways, at that time, right after he said those words, not only was I furious, I was seething with righteous anger. I was more angry than that poor kid from Vietnam who found out that he was being adopted by Angelina Jolie. To me, this jackass from the water department represented everything that was wrong with this world (fundamentalism, lack of tolerance, bad sitcoms).

So I did what any responsible and mature adult would do in my situation.

I "erroneously" pushed the stool behind him, he fell, and then I "accidentally" let go of dog's leashes, and they "sort of" mauled him. A "little".


Relax. Nothing happened to that guy.

Well, nothing-ish.

He got some bruises and a torn shirt. Serves him right, though.

Since I'm all about being fair and balanced, I had the driver take him to a doctor to get the bruise(s?) checked and I gave him money to buy a new shirt.

See, I did him a favor. The shirt he was wearing looked like it hadn't met any detergent grains in years. Thanks to my timely intervention, the shirt got to have a dignified end.

Of course, then the guy from the water department threatened litigation and my Dad had to send someone to bribe him to keep his mouth shut.


But hey, look on the bright side.




At least now I know where the water meter is.


34 comments:

Orange said...

Hey how do you change the template? I like this one a lot but I don't know to change mine from vanilla.

Orange said...

and why the hell am I "dont ask dont tell"? argh.

D said...

Shit! And now I'm wondering if we have a water meter too that I don't know of. I'm the bahu. I am supposed to know such stuff about my house.

You're sure there's a thing like the water meter?

Stray said...

The recession is hitting home, I see.

"Sipping morning coffee" = "I can't afford tea no more, so I'll hafta make do with whatever I can lay my hands on within my neighbours' coffee patch".

Pixie said...

LOL!!

Did you really set the dogs on him?!! :D

LOL!!!

Oh yes.. the water meter! we have one back at home too and we pay the bills, like once in 6 months or something... and the meter doesn't work half the time,s o he just bills us the default-very huge-amount!

Harshita said...

LOL... U r one funny guy ;)

We don't have a water meter at home, thankfully as of now... it is free in our part of the country...

Ask me... I think whatever happened serves him right. ;) oh! I shud says HURTS him right... :D

Phoenixritu said...

He threatened litigation after getting bribed!!!! Well, he deserved the dogs and the fall. Humph!

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Hahaha!

That 'new shirt' mone? It won't be buying him a shirt, that much I'll say!

unsungpsalm said...

Hmm....


You're lying.




Aren't you?

Ipshi said...

i really dont think ur lying... but even if u r; u got me smiling and thats really all i needed today


thanks!

DewdropDream said...

This post elicited the sort of reaction that my younger brothers would were they to do mischief. You liar. What was that about growing up eh?! :D You make me laugh, and I really like that about you!

lemonade said...

"As for my brain, most of it is just like my love life. Hypothetical."

Hilarious! (but so not true)

I love the way you write!!! Everytime i read one of your posts i want to come find you and give you a big hug, and i have absolutely no clue why!:P

Rakesh said...

Funny story. Though, I will say ... keep it within believable limits next time. :)

bloggingknight said...

Jeez... at least i know where my water meter is though :P

And my mom doesn't allow me to have dog because of same reason: I might set it on someone (intentionally :D )

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

@Orange: try http://www.allblogtools.com/ ...

@Orange: Well you're not supposed to ask and im not supposed to tell .... (lame, I know, but I could not resist) ...

@D: Yes, there is. You don't know that? To keep update with your propah Indian DIL duties, please signup for the Manaya Dutt weekly newsletter.

@Stray: Shhhh. You were supposed to keep that on the down low. You tattle tale you.

@Pixie: Yes, I did. See ... It's not my fault then.

@Harshita: Really? Hehe .. Yeah ... totally agree with you ... :P ...

@Ritu: I know!! He just wanted more money I guess!


@M4: When I think about it, you're right. Yeah .. you're right.

@USP: Oh look everyone, it's the truth fairy and she's waving her wand .....

@Ipshi: Et tu, brute? Fact is funnier than fiction, remember?

@DDD: I told ya I'm not that grown up ... and younger brothers? Mischief? How OLD are you? :P ...

@Lemonade: Thanks ... As for the hug, maybe you have a non-sexual thing for fat people?? ... :P :P ... by the way, isn't Ryan Lafferty too emo??

@Rakesh: Oh look ... another graduate from the Unsung Pslam school of making assumptions. Heh... :P ...

@DK: You should try it sometime ... It's very therapeutic ....

unsungpsalm said...

*Ramby
Haw! Rakesh is my guruji, and not the other way round.

Yet, my comment appeared before his, so there was no hanky-panky.

This clearly indicates that since ours is the most venerable school of thought, we must be right.

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

@USP: Remember, two thongs don't make a Y front, and two wrongs don't make a right. .. :P ...

Analyze that!!

DewdropDream said...

I'm 12 and when I grow up I want to be Wonderwoman. :P
Ask another time and I might give a different answer, of course.

oh and HAHA! @ what you said to USP

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

See I knew it!! No matter how old you pretend to be, your always going to be a sweet little 12 year old girl inside!! ... :P ...

Oh ... wonderwoman? I thought you already were a superhero.

DewDropgirl ....

:) ...

Rakesh said...

I'm not an expert on thongs, but I do know that two (or more) lies/funny stories don't make one truth, either. Keep it comin' though. Makes good coffee break reading.

DewdropDream said...

Is your mission to somehow make me feel like giving you another hug right after I've given you one? :D

Dunno abut the 'sweet' part but yes there's pigtailed pestilence within me :)

closetalk said...

"At least now I know where the water meter is."
- and how is THAT useful? :)
ps: has everyone in gay india blogville changed their templates???? (nice one, by the way)

unsungpsalm said...

*DewDropGirl
Oh shush, child!

*Ramby
Remember, you could never fit into 2 thongs or a Y-front.... :P ...

Analyse that!!

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

@DDD: no my mission is a little different but i do love me hugs .....

@CT: It is useful ... I don't know why yet, but I'm sure it is ... as for the template.. you like it? that makes one of us .... :P ...

@Rakesh: a) What's you point, exactly? and b) Wait till you read about the one with the unicorn

@USP: Congratulations ... You have won the award for the most lame comeback ever. Also, I prefer boxers because I have huge interests to care for, unlike the small burden you carry around.

Also, I wouldn't mess with DewDropGirl. The last person to mess with her suddenly got Julia Robert's taste in men and Vidya Balan's taste in clothes. So I would suggest not pissing off the one with the Dew.

unsungpsalm said...

*Ramby
Small Burden?? Really
You should've seen my frantic attempts at concealment at the gym the other day.
And good to know that at least some of your body fat is in the right place. I'm happy for you.
As for DewDropDream, I have no worries. I'm always up for taming a shrew. :P

DewdropDream said...

SHREW?! Okay I declare war!!!

And in keeping with the spirit of recent occurences, I shall send you pink thongs to show you my louve :P

unsungpsalm said...

Oh but sweetie, I'm not one of them.
I graciously accept your Pink Thong, and return one of my blue bikini strings in gratitude :P

Darn, we're Chaddi-Buddies now.

Is that a truce already :( ?

DewdropDream said...

HAHA!!! Okay okay, truce declared... how can I possibly war with someone who is so funny? :)

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

@DDD, USP: Stop being so nice to each other!! It creeps me out ....

@USP: That's the 26,6666 fat joke you've made about me. I'll tell you the same thing I told Jerry Seinfeld right before he started production on the Bee movie ..... "Get some new material, jackass" ....

lemonade said...

fat people?! I dont think i've ever mentioned it on my blog but I definitely qualify for the fat person tag as well, and no i'm not one of those assholes at the gym who is freaking thin and stills go on about my tiny tummy, I am and have always been fat. So maybe its the fat person bond we share that makes me wanna hug you :P

and about b&s...i know!!!! i thought he'd be more nerdy and not bad that holly figured it out!

DewdropDream said...

We are like this wonly :P

flygye12 said...

why the comment section then ?

Prash said...

ya ya ya...you young kids ...

in which modern world you don't pay for water ?

you don't pay for water when it is running in the little streams, rivers, seas and oceans !

I am looking at the bright side of this : the water dept. guy got a new shirt thanks to you, kiddo !

lol

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

@ddd: DOn't get me started on that ... :P ...

@Captain Buzzcock: You're back!! ... ANd what are you asking, really?

@Prash: Hey, I thought I was the old man in these here parts ... and i was calling everyone kiddo .. seems like you've taken over the mantle .. not that i mind ... :P ....