Saturday, January 31, 2009

This post would have gotten beaten up if it had ever gone to a pub

So almost every politican and their hooch drinking uncle seems to have come out against "pub culture". Yesterday, our most exalted Health Minister said that he is coming up with a policy which will put an end to "pub culture". Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is all part of the government's plan to protect us from the terrorists. If we adopt the same laws as the taliban, maybe they wouldn't train people to come and kill us and all?

But why does everybody seem to change their mind suddenly? Not because pubs haven't existed in our country. They have been here for decades. The real wink,wink nudge, nudge reason why such a large number of people in power have been feigning this outrage is because they seem to have just discovered that young, "impressionable" woman are now regular visitors to these places which dare to serve decadent western values along with each portion of chicken wings. Our esteemed leaders were under the impression that only lose woman who failed their medical examination and had no choice but to marry a man with a regular source of income, who could only be found drowning his sorrows in a city pub, were the ones who frequented pubs, and not those young teenage women who are of marriageable age and who nowadays, because of "pub culture" know more about different types of Tequila than about different ways to cook eggplant.

Suddenly these people seem to have discovered that it's the twenty first century and that women refused to be treated as free vending machines who alternate between turning out food and popping out children.

Many of these "leaders" might not agree with the methods of the goatfuckers who attacked those women at the bar in Mangalore, but they all agree with the sentiments. Of course, now the horrendous act will be justified using crazy right wing nut job logic according to which the woman were asking for it because of dressing "to provoke" and stepping outside their house without the company of a minimum of three male relatives.

These people think that by just putting a girl and a boy in a room together means that they would end up having sex. Just because most of these people were born centuries before us (some of them literally. I mean how old do you think Arjun Singh is? Multiply it by a hundred. That's his approximate age.) does not mean they know better.

We "youngsters" (they say it like we're smug little assholes) can decide which jackass politician to vote for, we can decide which brokerage firm loses our money in the stock market, we can decide which pious neighborhood we would like to desecrate with our unholy presence. In fact we can even decide how many children NOT to have (unless of course we're living in a joint family. Then it's the decision of the joint family council. Just like they show in Survivor.) So, I think we can pretty much decide how much alcohol we require so that foreplay is minimized. I mean we're Indian. The sooner we "close the deal" the sooner we can go back to praying to God for forgiving us for having sex without the intent of having children.

Legislating your own sixth century morals is against the freedom that our constitution pretends to give us. What pisses me of is when I hear people our age talk the same drivel these old farts do. They also buy into this myth of "culture". Yes. Sure. Because it's served us so well over the past few centuries. *coughsecondlargestpopulationintheworldcough*

In our country, people can get away with murder, with creating mob hysteria, with forcing little kids to work below minimum wage, but the heavens will fall and the gates of hell will devour us all if two, law abiding, tax paying citizens just want to have a cocktail together.

Makes you want to hit the bottle, dunnit?

19 comments:

D said...

So well written Ramby! With you in every single word.

I'm guessing that one of the reasons why these almost senile politicians want to put an end to the "pub culture" is because they blame this culture for their rotten-ly turned out children.

Ipshi said...

Hello, I just chanced upon ur blog and ended up reading through all the archives.. u write really well, though I dont know if all ur humour is what it is at face value or there's more to it. I'd like to be friends.

Bhumika's Boudoir said...

I really like the way you write.

I am a young, impressionable, marriageable woman.

I just returned home after an evening spent at my favourite pub and miraculously escaped getting beaten up.

And I imagined my favourite watering holes being banned. I will then be trying out eggplant recipes in between planning how to escape baby-making advances from the man my parents/relatives choose for me. Ergo "bharatiya naari". Shudder. Shudder.

So believe me when I say this, I really appreciate the sentiment in your post.

Phoenixritu said...

You know what, I think they are just envious of the freedom they could not even dream of when they were young. And emancipated women make them insecure and they would have erectile dysfunction even with the V pill. That is what the entire thing is all about.

Stray said...

We discussed the goats and you were to leave them out of this.

PETA will be in touch shortly.

chandni said...

I wonder what they mean by "pub culture" anyway...

If its about alcohol, well, its not like people in this country drink because pubs exist!

If its about women being out, well....as with everything else, blame it on the women.

Men misbehave, its the woman's fault...men get in to a fight, its a woman's fault!

Just call me 'A' said...

way to go.....I second your every word. I guess they grew up that way..and now their children are screwed up..so they want to screw the country. I cannot imagine pubs being banned. where do i go if i want a drink, some music and some relaxing time with friends? I shrudder at the thought of the incident.

Pixie said...

So very well written!

And yea, women have always been "Blamed" for men's actions!
I wonder when all this will stop... and men will start to take responsibilty for their actions...
Talibanisation at its best - to satistfy their enormous and misplaced egos - do what they know best - try and control women with brute force!

First visit here and I will keep visiting from now on :)

La Vida Loca said...

Oh totally!

DewdropdDream said...

They're jealous coz they can't handle their drink like us young uns heh.

It's so easy to use 'culture' as a weapon right? Well what happened to the culture of courtesans who regularly scialised with kings and even partook alcohol with them?

arseholes the lot of them

Harshita said...

I am a silent reader of all your posts for a long time and I never commented thinking my comments can never match up the standard of your writing. Seriously! I make sure I read each and every post of yours.

But this post made me shed all my inhibitions and fear and come out and tell you that you have voiced a mass opinion here and being a woman, I feel victimised when such incidents happen.

I see no point in all the hard work I put in for my engg exams and at work and home to be the person I am today...coz my country is still stuck with the Taliban philosophy of life.

Thanks for posting this. :)

unsungpsalm said...

If I had a penny for every awesome post you wrote!!!


I'd have 13.



But that's only because you hardly post. ;)
Bravo on this one! Caught the spirit, y'did. Ramadoss truly disappointed me.

pepe M. said...

another 'winner' from whippy!!!
i will copy this in toto to my blog soon...whether you like it or not!!!

the entire incident still makes me sooooooo angry that i wanna kill those guys who harrased those hapless ladies...

this is classic!

Still thinking said...

...On their head for sure, the bottle I mean. Friggin %*&^%%%%

It might sound downright bloody murderous, but I always felt and still feel that when ppl suddenly resort to these so called western reproach acts towards innocent victims they should simply be castrated. Now, if the govt could just hear me...

Crazy Sam said...

Now these guys are proclaiming on TV that they will stop us from celebrating Valantine's Day, wherever it is, be it in college or in hotel because they feel V-Day celebrations are not fit for our culture and will harm our traditions. They are also blaming Christians for "importing" this to India.

Is this what our country has come to?

I speculating, once they gain ground in terrorizing us for everything we do that is "western", it will be gays who is going to suffer next. They might be thinking homosexuality is a western phenomenon too.

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

@D: Thanks ... They actually like how their children have turned out. They lack the judgment to see what pies of scum their children are.

@Ipshi: If I was a teenage straight guy I would immediately ask you: Your blog or mine? ... :P ..... But I'm not so I'll simply ask u to email me .. :P ...

@Bhumika: You know what makes me shudder? The thought of being asked to eat anything which contains eggplant!!!

@Ritu: Well said .... Most of these guys are from villages and they run scared of educated, emancipated, women.

@Stray: Tell those Vegan nazis to bring it on!!!

@Chandni: Pub culture is a euphemism for "Independent women" ... As per our cultural traditions, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault... Men are infallible .. Specially those who dropped out of school after fifth grade ....

@A: I do to. What I find more surprising is why more people aren't outraged? Why aren't these people publically shamed? Where is our media????

@Pixie: Thanks .... Men are not trained to take responsibility for their actions .... It's our "culture" ....

@La Vida Loca: To be fair, I don't need an excuse, usually !!.. :P ...

@DDD: I read a report somewhere that even the biggest role model for young, nubile Indian virgins, the great Sita Devi, used to enjoy ancient vodka too....

@Harshita: .. Firstly, you should comment often .. Usually I don't bite ... As long as you don't let them get to you, the various Taliban cannot and should not be a factor in most of our lives.

@Usp: 13?? ... Very Alfered Hitch-hoky ... Really ... ramados's comments are what triggered this post ...


@Pepe: thanks .... U need to even ask?? ... Incidents like these make me angry too....

@Still: Good idea ... these guys should be publically humiliated and barred from Mangalore for a few years ...

@Sammy: ... Only these sort of people can come up with such outrageous reasoning ... They blame the west for everything .. Even homosexuality ... The West and Richard Gere ...

Prash said...

rages rages rages, I am on rages every time I read something about this topic...

when men go to the bars/pubs, they [politicians] have no problem, when these men get drunk and fall into the roads early morning, they have no problem, when these drunkards go back to their homes and beat/rape their wifes, they have no problem...when these ladies go out to the bar/pubs and sit next to men and have a glass of alcohol...they are not able to digest. All of a suddent, the "indianness" come to the topic and the western culture is accused... where is the word 'liberty', 'equality' in it ?

Thanks for bringing this topic here...

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

I hear your outrage Prash .. I get really angry to when I read about sch incidents ... And the fact that the people who did this are roaming free and threaten to continue doing this until they "teach all women a lesson" is just intolerable. These self-appointed guardians of morality need to be taught a lesson in freedom and equality.

flygye12 said...

Kapitan FG would like to make just a correction:
these are most likely 18th or 19th century morals. Sixth century India even prostitution was accepted.