This was written yesterday night. The crisis is finally over and I have been able to switch off my TV.
I can't seem to tear myself away from the TV for the past forty eight hours. I want to look away, I want to sleep, but I can't. I just look. In horror and morbid amazement.
It's not that there haven't been terrorist attacks before. There have been. Like a lot of other people, I felt angry for a day, talked about bombing a country or two and moved on. Because that's what we are supposed to do. Move on. Human spirit is supposed to triumph over everything.
But today, as I see the Taj burning, I don't want to move on. I want to remain angry. I cannot switch off the television. I cannot bring myself to talk about anything else. I cannot even think about anything else. Everything seems so insignificant.
Today, like those innocent people killed by those miserable scums, a part of me had died too. Yet, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.
I wonder why those innocent people had to die? What was their fault? Is this what our world has come to? To think that a lot of them were just there to have a meal. To celebrate a wedding. To celebrate a promotion. To toast new business partners. To get a taste of an exotic country.
Has all this what our life has come to? Having a meal is now dangerous?
What about those people whose house was taken over? Even sitting in your own house is not safe anymore?
I want to feel different. I want to feel safe. I want to talk about the frivolous side of life. I don't want to think "What the.." every time a hear a firecracker going off. I want to order new books online and then wait for them to be delivered with childlike anticipation. I want to be able to see something besides the news. I want to worry about the life of my favorite character on Brothers & Sisters. I want to keep refreshing my the frontpage of my blog to read everybody's comments with a little glee. Yet, today none of these things matter.
Maybe I will feel all those things again. Maybe, when this is over, I will finally be able to touch the power button on the remote and switch of visuals of a horrid nightmare which my mind has not still been able to process.
But I won't forget the sacrifices of the brave men and women who gave up their life so that other people could live. I will not forget the sacrifices of the general who thought it better to lead from the front than bark instructions from the back. I will not forget the bravado of ordinary men and women in the most extraordinary of circumstances.
Yet, it doesn't matter.
My heart goes out to all those who have lost their loved ones. To them, all this is words. To them, tonight, nothing matters.
Maybe now we need to wake up and do something while we can.
Otherwise, one day, we won't be able to.
Maybe, right now, even that does not matter.