Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you really happy to see me?

So I enter this espresso bar, grab a table, sit, take out my laptop, pretend not to notice anyone else, actually not notice anyone else, order my caffe poison, put on some music and start typing/browsing.

Then, as luck would have it, I accidentally notice that a smart, almost-hunk is on the opposite table is checking me out. I pinch myself three times to ensure that this is not the usual nightmare where the hunk turns into godzilla and starts eating me up. Once I confirmed that it was in fact reality, I proceed to process the information.

Is he for real? Is he really checking me out or just looking at me so as to make jokes with his friends? Not that I really care. Is he one of them wonderfully big-hearted chubby chasers I keep hearing about? Does this mean that there IS a God? Does my hair look good? Who am I kidding? My hair always looks good.

Then he started to smile.

I put on my best I-may-be-fat-on-the-outside-but-let's-pretend-I-have-a-personality-on-the-inside face so as to enable him to fall in love with me.

Anyways, he keeps looking and smiling and I keep getting more and more conscious. I even almost drop my cup of java.

Then his friend, who had her back towards me looks at me and says something to me. I guess that she is his fag hag and was just approving me. After all, I had just the right expression on my face.

So she turns towards me and asks me politely

Fag Hag: Excuse me, what song is that?

Me: Which song?

Fag Hag (a little taken aback): ..ummm... The one you are listening to ...

Me (snapping out of planning my first date with the almost-hunk): Oh..,that

Me: It's .... (forgetting name of song ) ...

Me: *long pause* .. How to save a life by The Fray....

Fag Hag (smiling): ... Cool ... Thank You ....

Me: That's quite alright ...


Me (inner voice): Quite alright? What are you? A 1896 homosexual or a log cabin republican? Couldn't you say, that's okay or no problem .... Are you kidding me with this shit? .... Who forgets the name of the song? ... You fucking listen to it a gazillion times a day ... you moron .. you'll never have a boyfriend ....

Fag Hag: My friend here likes the song ....

Me: He has good choice in music .... hahaha (--> the i-love-him-laugh)

Me (inner voice): Why are you so fucking lame? Seriously, since when did you turn shy? Is that even a joke.... No, dumbass ... that is why no one's laughing ... and you don't count pinhead ....


I play the song again. The almost-hunk smiles again.

Then it happened.

Both of them got up. The fag hag looked in my direction. She smiled.

Then, the almost-hunk wears dark black shades, picks up his walking stick from under the table and both of them head out.

The almost hunk was BLIND.

Yes. Someone who couldn't SEE.

He was visually challenged.

So he was not checking me out, the moron was doing some fucking eye exercises.


Whoever runs this bloody planet is a really big frikin tease.



Now please excuse me while I go make fun of people who don't have much going on in their lives.



Anyone who points out the irony is going to have one big fat lip. Men or women. I don't discriminate.

30 comments:

Prash said...

How many times did you use the word "moron" for this post ?

How many times did you evoke God into this ?

unsungpsalm said...

It was quite predictable, really... not that the hunk was going to turn out to be Blind... but that you're going to end up single :P


How did he manage to hear a song you were listening to on your Headphones!?

I love "How to save a life" as well :) :)

Firebolt said...

The word 'moron' has been used twice in this post.

Evocation of God occurred explicitly once and again as in implication of the being who is supposed to run the planet.

Love that song.

D said...

Oh God! How ironic :P

pepe M. said...

hahahaha!

so what if he's blind! hell, his HOT! :)

bloggingknight said...

Hehehe so you still are single... better try next time dude...

i too wonder, were u on headphone or ur speaker?

Anonymous said...

I can understand. Its always too funny to be true.

-childwoman-

Prash said...

I agree with Pepe...he is hot ! ;-)

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Girl, girl, girl, as a member of the fat fraternity, if a guy is blind yet smokin' hot, you go up and ask him for a cup o' joe! Blind! Who cares?

Neha said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

WHY WHY WHY havent u written a sitcom yet????

A rebel all the way... said...

Awww....is this a real incident?

DewdropDream said...

Erm, dunno what irony you were talking about, but I thought you were a wee bit... callous . We do disagree sometimes, so ignore me if you wish :)

Kris Bass said...

Sometimes I feel the chubby cutie pie here makes these stories up all by himself. He's a bundle of unbridled talent you know.

Well, I want to know how these people listened that lovely song again. And if you are the kinda guy who plays these songs on the loudspeaker, then you just lost the next round of compliments buddy!

chandni said...

the point is, is he gay??

That is what we should focus on, Moron!

Crazy Sam said...

When I was reading the beginning part of this post, I was like...
"Shit! Is my fantasy really happening for you??"

Yeah, but I'm glad that you ended up being single. Sorry dude, can't handle another "non-singly" gay-blogger in my list.

Kris Bass said...

You have just been tagged by, guess who, me!

palomino said...

ahahhaha i love ur posts!

The Line of Beauty said...

It happens with me all the time, when I imagine the whole world checking me out..which they never do :(

b for bhisan said...

that was hilarious !
not expected ..
but in the end ..

oh well ..

life goes on .. more blogs to do :P
and for some to read :)

Firebolt said...

Thou hast been awarded the Blogging Friends Forever Gold Card by me.

Cheers! ^_^

chandni said...

new post is demanded

savante said...

Dammit! And here I thought you'd gotten a hot date!

Just Hookingup said...

Hilarious!

Neha said...

come back come back come back come back come back come back!!!!

DewdropDream said...

You decided to settle there and abandon us? Or did you find a nice beautiful boy to elope with? Come back and post already!

unsungpsalm said...

Ramby, this time it's gonna cost you big!

bloggingknight said...

It seems someone found banana there :P
oi, where are ya? come on, don't abandon us :(
I think it's time to send rescue mission to find Ramby.

DewdropDream said...

Looks like we need to alert the authorities... we have a blogger gone missing

unsungpsalm said...

I'm starting to get a bit worried...

DewdropDream said...

Me too