Also, to dispel other rumors, I did not join the cast of Weeds, the blind guy didn't see me and I certainly did not have sexual relations with that woman.
(I hope that was the right sound effect. If not, well, I'm not a fucking sound technician, so give me a break.)
However, the rumor about me having a big schlong is something that I'm neither going to confirm nor deny. Draw your own
Anyways, before I humiliate myself anymore and drive away the three people who still love me, I just wanted to say a big thank you to all those who missed me. I love you all even though I do question your intelligence. (insert wicked smiley)
And to all those who did not miss me, well, sleep with one eye open tonight. There's going to be a fat guy climbing down your chimney with a big brown bag and it ain't gonna be Santa.
*cue evil laugh*
(I said I'm not a fucking sound technician. Geez.)
p.s. I wasn't away on purpose. There were some extraordinary circumstances that required my immediate attention and were the cause of my absence.