Wednesday, March 9, 2011

You’ve come a long way, baby!

It has been bought to my notice that lately, this blog has been focussing a lot on Winter. I hadn’t really noticed. Although, to be fair, I don’t notice many things. Once, when I was a kid, I didn’t notice that an actual monkey was biting my hand. I only realized that when all the other kids started running away from me. Hey, don’t blame me. It was my birthday, and all I could think about was cake.

As it was obvious from my last post, Winter isn’t a huge part of my life anymore. Not that he was for a long time. But I could only write about it once I was over it. I did spend a few months sequestered from the rest of the world trying to get over him last year (how is that different from my usual sequestering? Well, firstly, I had a beard. No, not a fake girlfriend, an actual beard. I KNOW! Secondly, lots of baths were avoided! HEY, I WAS AN EMOTIONAL WRECK, I WAS ALLOWED TO SMELL LIKE A HOBO. And, thirdly, needless to say, there was lots of food involved. Lots and lots of it. Hey, wait a minute, you’re right. That is no different from my usual sequestering. Sigh.).

However, I’m still glad it happened. For one, my unrequited feelings were wasted on a gay guy! So, PROGRESS! I also learnt what all not to do when you’re trying to date someone. Previously, before I came out, whenever I had a crush on someone, I used to get really douchey around them. Like belittle their life choices, roll my eyes at their hilarious joke and generally make them feel small and unwanted. Granted, I still do that to everybody, but this was with an extra zing. Like putting chilli flakes on your jalapeno dip, if you know what I mean.

Thanks to Winter, I am not a total nervous wreck around new, potential mates [Tip #1: DON’T CALL THEM THAT TO THEIR FACE. SEE, I’M LEARNING!]. Not that there have been many opportunities. As if being fat wasn’t enough of an albatross around my neck, I am also jobless and have cheeto breath. Strangely, that is not what a lot of people are looking for! Even freaks avoid me!

Winter probably deserves some of the credit in my finally leaping out of the closet. When I realized what I felt for him, shit got real. It feels strange to think and talk about now, but it was the first time I actually felt like I was gay. The way I could relate to Winter, I could never ever have that with a woman. Or a straight guy.

I know these things come easy to some people, but when I think back to a time when I was terrified of expressing how I felt about a guy, even to myself and then I remember how nonchalantly I referred to Winter as “babe” in public, I realize how far I’ve come.

I once gave a gay friend a really hard time when he told me that love was not all about sex. I chided him for his naiveté, because I really was that cynical. And then, this whole Winter thing hit me and I realized that it really was not about the sex. I had never been able to connect with someone like I was able to connect with him.

I always used to scoff at all those stupid people in love with their puppy dog eyes and their doing things for each other that they wouldn’t do for anyone else and thinking that every song is about them but ZOMG! I was one of those stupid people with puppy dog eyes walking around assuming that every song was about me and doing things for Winter which I could never imagine doing for another human being!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was ….er……umm…cough….ahem…cough.... wrong.




Just don’t tell anybody I said that!


Phunk Factor said...

And that's why WhipperSnapper is rated utterly brilliant by me! :D

Glad to read that it's getting for you...and Cheeto breath is horrible horrible horrible....same goes for Nacho breath! :p

Been there...done that!

H said...

Awww Cutiepatootie!
I'm glad you're getting
over it. And a lot of people don't bathe in(to) winter, and they eat more and don't go out so often!
Ew, such a bad joke.
But anyhoo, love that you posted!
Missed you!

DewdropDream said...

Boy, am I glad to see a post here! :)

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

@Phunk: Thanks! . . . . Hahaha, what to do? I just can't stop eating those cheetos! Also, nachos! And crisps! Trans Fats FTW!

@H: Hahahaha, I loved your joke! Thanks! Muah!

@DDD: And I am glad you came back to read! :D

Me said...

Whoa! :)

Love eh? :P

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

Harshita: ZOMG! I actually said that, didn't I! WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Ch4 said...

Glad to finally read a fabulous and well written post!

Rashmi said...

Good to see you here, as always...
Missed you :)

Anonymous said...

Baby! How growed up we are! Hugs, still. Love is a pain in the arse. Not my own. And yes, there is always a next time. Absolutely always.

chandni said...

new post is demanded, high time!

Rakesh said...

Awww ... this sounded like a genuine straight from the heart post. :)