Today, early in the morning: (okay, really early in the morning)
*Ring* *Ring* (not actually a ring, but the theme from Mad Men)
Caller: Hey, watsup . . .
Me: Nothing much really. Long time, eh?
Caller: Yeah, I know . . .
Me: So how's the wife doing?
Caller: She's doing good . . .
Me: . . . When is the baby due?
Caller: What baby?
Me: Er. . . Aren't you guys pregnant?
Caller: No . . .
Me: . . . WHAT HAPPENED?
Caller: We HAD the baby, idiot! That's WHAT happened!
Me: CONGRATULATIONS! When? And why didn't you tell me?
Caller: Last month . . .
Me: LAST MONTH? . . .
Caller: Stop shouting.
Caller: I DID tell you . . .
Caller: . . . And YOU came to visit us in the hospital!!
Me: I did?
Caller: Yes. Twice.
Me: Are you sure?
Caller: Of course I'm sure. It's pretty hard to . . . forget the day your child is born . . .
Me: Yeah, of course.
Caller: . . . . specially because on the first day one of the guards got fired because you wandered in during non-visiting hours . . .
Me: That does sound like something I would do, yeah . . .
Me: . . . however, are you sure that you aren't pulling a prank on me?
Caller: Dude, for the past month I've been knee deep in dirty diapers, I have been dozing off during meetings because I barely get to sleep at night and if I see one more relative wanting to give "good wishes" to my child, I'm going to jump from the terrace.
Caller: So I am hardly in a mood to kid around and pull pranks on someone . . .
Me: Aright . . . chill, don't get so emotional, man . . .
Caller: And since you don't remember, you also gave us a nice gift . . .
Me: Really? I'm so glad you liked whatever I gave you.
Caller: Yeah, even ______ likes it. He plays with it all the time.
Me: You HAD a boy????
What'd I say?