The other day, I was reading an article written by a famous right-wing journalist who is famous for being a right-wing journalist, in which he said that he is okay with "tolerating" gay people but he thinks that it was wrong of the high court to equate hetereosexual and homosexual relationships.
Now, at that point of time, I obviously disagreed with him.
However, yesterday after reading this post here and this article here, I sort of had an #epiphany. (Sorry about the "#", I've been really using twitter a little too much. I know, I'm addicted. #snapperfail. Sheesh.)
I seem to have changed my mind.
I think equating gay relationships and straight relationships is wrong. They are not the same.
Why do I say that?
Well, the answer dawned on me after huge amounts of generalising, stereotyping, pseudo-scientific analysing, hypotheticalising (I know that's not even a word. But let's just pretend that it is. There is a word for arbitrarily pretending something is true for the sake of argument. I just can't think of it right now.) and assuming my ass off.
Now, we know that most men in our country are bought up with a huge dose of entitlement. Since the day they are born, they are taught that they always get first dibs on everything because they can pee standing up. Now the mothers spend the rest of their lives blaming other people for her son's mistakes, while the fathers spend the rest of their life blaming the mother for the extreme love and affection that they showered their son with. Yes, if there was an Olympic competition for cognitive dissonance, then most Indian parents would qualify for the gold medal.
Alternatively, Indian girls are made to realize that everyone frowns around them because daddy wanted a little boy and mommy wanted a little boy and granny also wanted a little boy. And no one really cares what grandpa wants because grandpa is 80 and delusional and sharts all the time.
So after such a warm welcome, while the girls are growing up it is drilled into their heads that they really are second class citizens and were sent to this earth to cook, clean and put out whenever their husband wants to fall asleep on top of them.
And then when both of them grow up, then they are paired with each other and spend the rest of their lives resenting each other and each other's parents. And when things get really bad, they have kids. Because that's the solution to every problem in a marriage.
Now, this is where gay relationships are a little different.
Usually when gay people set out to find the person they want to have a relationship with, they aren't actually looking to fulfil the position of "house_maid" or "income_generator". They aren't looking for a "smart, fair, homely girl who can make three chappitis per minute" or a "thin, fair handsome man who makes income in excess of six figures and has been to different countries like New York and the USA".
Gay people usually seek out a relationship based on trust, love for each other, mutual respect and because both of them cry towards the end of When Harry met Sally.
So, yes, Mr Right-wing journalist, gay relationships are different from straight relationships.
Thank God for that.
27 comments:
Wow! We soooo love marriage, don't we?
Do you like any married people at all? Kinda wondering if you like me...even a teeny-tiny, little bit :/
@Mamma Mia: I have NOTHING against married people! Some of my best friends are married! :P . . . I was just showing how ridiculous the argument against gay people is when the show is on the other foot!!
And of course, I love you long time!
Your posts have atleast one line that makes me go into fits of laughter.
This one had two.
"thin, fair handsome man who makes income in excess of six figures and has been to different countries like New York and the USA".
and
"Gay people usually seek out a relationship based on trust, love for each other, mutual respect"
and i HOPE the second one was sarcastic :)))
Awww Rambo!
I swear if I was single, I'd totally go licking-body-chocolate-off-handsome-young-men with you!!
Well, as I'm not, I'll still share my box of Ferro Rocher with you :)
Thank God for that - you said it! :D
cry at the end of Harry Met Sally? :coughs: (does tht make me less gay lol) :P
Great post...What's the link to that right wing article?
@Rebel: Just one? I'm disappointed . . . :P . . . Also, re the second line, there are a lot of successful, stable gay relationships (like Elton John & Rod Stewart, Mellisa Etheridge & Natalie, Ellen & Portia, Congressman Barney Frank and his BF, one famous Australian MP, Enrique & and his tranny wife etc.) . . .
So, no, the second line wasn't successful, actually. :D . . .
@Mamma Mia: Licking chocolate of a hot young body sounds nice but it probably would have freaked me out because I am OCD about germs!!
I'd gladly have your a bite from your rocher, but, do all married people always have a box handy? . . . :P . . . (Pliss don't mind. Thanks)
@Silvara: :D . . .
@DK: Ummm, even I don't cry towards the end, so no, it doesn't. :P . . .
@TLOB: You really want to go there? It's a really, deep dark place where all sorts of right wing loonies roam around. It's available at http://snurl.com/pkjya . Don't tell me I didn't warn ya! Remember to keep a drink handy if you want to read the comments section.
This was really profound. Experienced an aha moment here. Tell you, you folk are fortunate that the relationship does not come with a built in tag and a best before date
I will probably disagree with your conclusion here RWS. Once the euphoria of actually being in a relationship settles down and you like the mundane everyday life under one roof, all the things that eventually constitute st marriages end up surfacing in gay ones as well. Who cooks/cleans/economics/social life as a couple - all things that end up being discussed in the straight world end up being discussed in the gay world too. No different. Lesbian world too. I speak from my expereince as , I have been in a gay relationship for several years and have several friends who have spent decades in relationships as well. If behavior patterns are drilled into our heads (boy or girl) from birth, and one observes behavior patterns with parents, relatives, friends etc, I argue that regardless of the relationship, straight or same sex, those patterns and expectations surface. I think in the str world, people have learned over the eons as to what works and what does not and crudely bring it up in terms of expectations upfront. At the end of the day, not much is really different. That in many ways is an unfortunate but at the same time a fortunate truth...JH
Love marriages. Gay or straight are the way to go.
Wow! only you can come for this explanation to set things right with the right wing journo(pun-intended)... :)
I donno abt everyone else... but I do agree with this explanation completely... This is one of the most imptt things that set a gay relationship apart frm others... atleast it involved ppl and not master-slave or maidservant-boss...
and I am glad you wrote this... way to go!!
I don't know if you mean the same journo, but this other chap wrote this awesome post about being gay, bi, and having children. He apparently hates the idea that bi people will now always have the best of both worlds and gay men will now turn "Mother Nature" on her head and start having kids. You should read that. And I dug up the link for you. http://bytheganges.blogspot.com/2009/06/whats-your-sexual-orientation-tonight.html
Oh lord, Ramby! You actually convinced me a little bit!
@Ritu: Thanks Ritu . . . In some cases, I think we are!!
@Ki: Like, totally!! Although, I'd like to see a Gay arranged marriage take place!!
@Harshita: Hehe . . . Thanks!
@Bhumika: No, it was some other journo. But really, the guy who wrote that post you linked too, sounds sexually frustated. I think he needs to chill and get some. :P . . .
@USP: Wow, and I did that without sowing you a shiny nude picture of Jesse Spencer. Or whatever you're into. :P . . .
@JH: I agree with you that the behavorial patterns that we see since we are growing up always tend to creep into a relationship. That's why you see clueless striaght people asking gay people whether they are the "wife" or the "husband". Since that's the only two representations of relationships that we have usually seen.
However, I do see a few people in my life, striaght couples even, who defy that stereotype. They have an equal relationship. My point is that, somehow, Gay people have a better opprtunity to creat that sort of a balance in a relationship. Whether they do it or not is a different thing.
I think a lot of us come into a relationship with an idea of how we want our partner to be.
@Rebel
Been there, seen that... :P
@USP -> What? (plz remember 'dense' everytime you say something to me)
Lol, sorry... it was supposed to be "@Ramby"
But yes, I'll keep that in mind...
nice :) I like.
Hypothesize, perhaps word you were looking for :)
It is a very good article written.
How to make a website
Owww. Ouch.
Err. Ya , one ridiculous argument(like this one) does nothing to prove or disprove the initial statement.
Wow!
Stand-up and bow.
Dare i disagree with you on anything, you are simply DAMN even i dont know what word to use...so yeah you're simply fably fantastic buddy.
Love you loads :)
as a social science person, really must point out the incorrect usage of the term 'cognitive dissonance' here. :) at least from a theory perspective. on the whole though, i think u qualify for a feminist here. :)
Howdy? Long time no see ... how're things?
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